Le malade imaginaire
Ron OrenTHE SCENE: A hockey-pitch, early morning.
ENTER STAGE, LEFT: Two hockey teams. One group of 14 clad in maroon, one group of 10 clad in glorious green.
Conversation amongst the green team centres on a message received, one hour before push-back, declaring a painful chest and a decision not to join the game.
ACT ONE
Maroon captain: "Are you getting any more"
Green captain: "No"
Maroon captain: [silence]
The game starts. Peterborough score. South score. Peterborough score 4 more.
ACT TWO
Peterborough score. Tom Anns scores, but in the wrong goal. Peterborough score more.
ACT THREE
Peterborough are magnanimous in their win, telling us we did as well as we could. South are unanimous - Elliot has surpassed the Lemon and only gets the award because we're a friendly club and don't give out harsher titles.
CURTAIN
Ollie Lamming
Kept running and hassling, providing a much needed outlet for an embattled defence.
Elliot Hard
Pulling out of the match on the day is lemon-worthy. Pulling out with a text, remaining incommunicado for the rest of the day and leaving the team with 10 is just not cricket.
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