Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mind-set. And while there are benefits to being an optimist and engaging in positive thinking, toxic positivity instead rejects difficult emotions in favour of a cheerful, often falsely positive, facade.

1. Goldman, R. PhD, (2021) What is Toxic Positivity? Available at: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-toxic-positivity-5093958 See also: Barker, Maddy

As I sit down to write this match report it is emotionally challenging to re-live yesterday. We started well with the majority of possession and several good linking moves. I wore a new fleece bought for a new season. Laura broke the deadlock with a straight crack into the corner from top D. Laura thought this was her 100th goal for south, cue Chloe Kelly celebration. Turns out that milestone came last week at St Ives, however so far so good. The aim was to achieve our target for the season – essentially convert more of the many great chances we create, and avoid entering the final stages of games clinging onto shaky 1 goal advantages.

2. https://www.cambridgeindependent.co.uk/sport/ladies-i-captain-calls-for-more-goals-9274913/

We were still 1-0 up with 10 mins to go. Norwich hit us on a break and cracked in a goal (a very good shot to be fair), an obvious foot and Jenny knocked to the ground moments before however creating a questionable backdrop. 3 minutes to go - Norwich break through and score another, a reverse hit lifted into the back of our net. Stunned silence, and a slow walk back to the changing rooms reminiscent of Monday. Even Jess reminding us how Fast and Fun our new formation is couldn’t lift the mood. I never want to hear the words "short" or "corner" ever again. At teas Izzy and Kate removed themselves to a separate table for a moment of quiet contemplation. They appeared again sometime later, re-directing grief into criticism of teammates’ clothing.

Toxic positivity denies people the authentic support that they need to cope with what they are facing. Toxic positivity can actually harm people who are going through difficult times. Rather than being able to share genuine human emotions and gain unconditional support, people find their feelings dismissed, ignored, or outright invalidated.

3. Fischer AH. Comment: the emotional basis of toxic affect. Emot Rev. 2018;10(1):57-58., Again, see: Barker, Maddy

After a couple of hours trying to think of any positives to write about, I have the below:

• Boo made a sensational stick save
• Norwich player takes golf shot at point-blank range to my head. With cat-like reactions and agility I dropped and rolled and saved Izzy from spending Saturday night writing an obituary
• Another day it might have gone our way - Sarah had a great drive finished off by smashing in a goal, however the ball was deemed to have been hit just outside the D; and Kate ‘a great hockey brain’ weaved her way round 4 players then mid-shot was called back in a bizarre interpretation of advantage
• Izzy got a green card for an unpleasant blackout rage incident, and was appropriately disciplined
• Coolio, i.e. the man behind Gangstas Paradise, performed at Laura’s graduation ball
• Boo and Jess R shared player of the match honours. Boo for THAT save (see above), and Jess R for being tenacious, intelligent, determined, persistent, skilful, just great … all words to that effect. Jess W also had a fantastic game battling on the wing and sending such fast and fun passes up to our forwards, probably because mercury is no longer in retrograde

I’d like to note that this was now the L1s 5th away match, so very possible the team are feeling road-weary drained jaded and unsure where home is anymore. No game next week, 2 weeks to wallow in misery then. And then we’re away at UEA.

‘I just feel quite bitter about the whole thing to be honest’, I. MacDonald-Parry (24/09/2022, phone interview)