As I refuse to write another report for Lucia ‘too blingy for hockey’, please see below for her detailed summary of the game:

something Lucia finally found out today: a lot of dangly jewellery can potentially be rather dangerous according to Jan.

some great moments of the day include
1. Sarah blocking the goal with her shoulder
2. Jenny taking on everything (absolutely fearless)
3. Lizzie’s silky moves upfront
4. Boo’s goal saving save headed for the top left of the goal
5. Kate’s skill in the midfield
6. and of course Jess’s routine chest bumps before the match

despite Jan’s stop of play to make Lucia take off the jewellery, the silver jewellery will very much be part of games in the future.

• Lucia Catley, March 2023.

Umpires feel free to remember the last sentence, if Lucia could be asked to take off excessive and dangerous jewellery in future matches at a moment where we look like we need a break/time to re-organise/are crumbling under pressure, that would be great.

To add on a couple more moments of the day:

7. Lizzie’s beautiful cross across the face of goal and general constant running and skills up front going round defenders with ease…..we will miss you, come back soon!

8. Hannah announced that her one aim of the match was too be ‘slightly less sh*t than usual’. Her own words – not ones I agree with but always good to have a personal target. Also announced her hands didn’t feel like her own in the warm-up, can’t help you there Hannah

9. Tamsin being launched into centre midfield, and showing Kate, Katie and I how it’s done

10. Lucia had a useful pre-match career guidance session with Jess (team physio, psychic readings, careers guidance, chest bumps - a woman of many talents), and now considering a welding apprenticeship instead of college

11. Amazing reactions from Boo, saving lifted shots coming from all directions

12. Dereham bundled in a pretty forgettable 1^stgoal, then we unfortunaly conceded 2 others from well-worked but not particularly exciting short corners.

13. Izzy/the Michelin Man modelling 6 layers to support on a sunny Spring morning, including one padded winter coat on top of another even more padded winter coat. Also helped herself to pizza despite not playing.

14. Dereham were frustratingly calm, well organised, and difficult to break down. We had moments of skill and energy all over the pitch, however all our individual good moments seemed to be occurring slightly out of sync with each other

MOM Kate for great play all game and a last-ditch tackle followed by a lie down in protest (that sounds familiar). LOMs Lucia, for the abovementioned playing dripping in chains and making us all wait for her to take them off, Alice for a horror stick tackle (even by my own high standards, and Laura’s too come to that), because a green just shows your trying right

The global fanbase following East Division 1 North ladies hockey will know that the L1s have had a string of difficult games in a row, all against the top 4 teams in our league competing for promotion spots - so hopefully we can res-discover where the goal is and pick up more points that we have done recently in the last couple of games.