It was a fairly chaotic day from start to finish, even by my standards. We shall discuss the highlights, with any ratings, where required, using the L6 rate my teas binary system.

10am: I wake up following an 11.5 hour sleep. You'd think this would set me up well for the day ahead. It didn't.

12.30pm: Make my way to Thoday Street Taxis (Kate and Izzy's house). Discover airpods case is MIA. Airpods now docked in gum shield case.

1.30pm: To my great surprise we arrive at Bishop STOPford. Despite Jenny making it very clear that no one was to go to Bishop's STORTford. Apparently everyone in the car had discussed that someone is bound to get it wrong, I wasn't listeneing. Good job I wasn't driving.

2.20pm: We head onto, what could barely be described as, a hockey pitch. Sand levels were high. There was a lot going on overhead, is it a bird, is it a plane? Yes and yes. We saw a heron, a buzzard and Jenny's husband in an aeroplane.

2.30pm: Following Tim's detailed breakdown of the match video from last week, the main thing we took away was "category: hype". Evie receives special mention for effort on cat h.

2.30-3.40pm: We play some hockey. We have a lot of possession and win a short! In the words of Maddy T "Izzy scored a drag flickiee". 1-0 to South.

On the break Kettering managed to get themselves a penalty flick, which they scored 1-1.

No problems, Sophie is on fire down the line, ball into Jess R - goal! 2-1 to South.

Half time: Great sweet selection 1/1

Next goal Izzy strong carry to the D, ball to Madddy T - goal! 3-1 to South.

The umpire clearly not forgetting that Izzy walked onto the pitch and slagged it off, then gave her a yellow card for reasons slightly unknown. [Ed - statistical quirk (or possibly anything but a quirk...) - over half the yellow cards (6 out of 10) given out in EWL Div.1N this season have come in games at Kettering. N.B. this is NOT an accusation of bias - Kettering's own players have received exactly half of these yellows. Possibly could have flagged this before the game so everyone was on their bestest behaviours. Soz]

Another short, no Izzy to help us now. Ball goes out to Sophie, who sweeps across goal, ball comes off a Kettering foot, launched nearly as high as the buzzard, comes down, lands in the goal! Wooo 4-1 to South.

3.45pm: Shower shenanigans seal my fate as lemon. No towel, no pants, no cares. I gave you socks on boobs out, I now present, nothing on, everything out. Showers were cold and sandy 0/1, vibes were 1/1.

4.30pm: Teas were giving mums away and dad's in charge of lunch. Bread, margarine, tomato soup and crisps 0/1. Maddy T so angry she threw her crisps at our MOM, Katie M. Lemon is now required to play a tune on the kazoo 1/1.

8.00pm: We join the South pub crawl and introduce everyone to the game "good clap, bad clap" which is then developed into "good kazoo, bad kazoo" - luckily I carry the kazoo everywhere and have had lots of practice.

10.00pm: Chaos levels begin to increase again. Phone is regularly abandoned in various pubs in favour of the kazoo.

1.00am: Despite discussions around how we would have an evening of "controlled fun" we proceeded to have an evening of uncontrolled chaos. Nichola's friend's Christening the next day, Maddy T's trip to Harry Potter world, and my trip to see my gran, all severely affected by the night's antics.

4.00am: Team bonding in maccies, there were reports of a burger being thrown, but I wouldn't know anything about that.

4.30am: Return home, phone and kazoo both present.

See you all, same time next week.