With my last match report nearly crashing the website from all the hits it received, and with numerous calls from excited big-name publishing houses, I decided to give the people what they want: another Report of Awesomeness from the big BK. You're welcome.

So far this season, the 1sts have defeated all opposition. This week it was the turn of Peterborough. Peterborough 5ths to be exact. Yes - fifths. Ugh - we've go get out of this league! One thing was obvious from the start - they grow 'em big in Peterborough! I nearly told them they'd come to the wrong pitch for their rugby game. Banter! But what South lacked in physical stature, we made up for with hockey skills and sex appeal. Sexy hockey - that's how we do it at South baby.

After an inauspicious warm-up which lacked the love-it-or-hate-it Pepperpot/Ring of Chaos™ but did involve Captain Health and Safety cruelly banishing a couple of young boys who'd build a track for their toy cars in the practice area, we got underway. Immediately we put our camouflage pitch-green kit to good use, mounting a string of swift attacks which, had it not been for Graham's lack of talent - sorry, I mean new stick, which was apparently to blame for everything - would have seen us a couple of early goals in front. Peterborough seemed a bit sleepy in the late afternoon sun as Jon and Rich on the left and Lukas and Laurie on the right combined with Yours Truly in the middle to create some slick passing moves that we've been missing in the last couple of weeks. The crowd of supporters on the side-lines (both of them) sensed a break-through.

And sure enough, it came. South were awarded a short-corner. It went to Jon who gave his trademark lob-pass to the keeper - or as he insists on calling it, a 'drag-flick'. Graham, anticipating the save, pounced on the rebound and flicked it over the keeper. Its always embarrassing when you have to cut your goal celebration short so it was to his credit that, having seen a ninja defender spring from nowhere to deflect the ball off the line, off the cross-bar and probably the post for good measure, Graham had the presence of mind to finish the job properly, with a lifted reverse stick strike from a tight angle. 1-0. The crowd went wild. Well - one of them did. I think the other was sending a text at the time.

South kept pushing for another goal but Peterborough seemed to have woken up and South had to be all the more resourceful, with George making good use of every side of his stick and Chris making (not so) good use of every side of his body on the ground. The defence was forced to work (to be honest it did them good to run around a bit. Gotta keep the old legs ticking over at that age, stave off the arthritis etc.) but were more than up to the task, with 'Above-Average-Ed' in particular showing some flashes of skill as well as a cool head in the troublesome left-back position.

Half-time came and went. The captain wittered on about tactics or something. I wasn't really listening - I was already thinking about what to write in this report. Then the unthinkable happened: Peterborough scored. They must have got lucky. Or been studying my skills during the first half. But suddenly there was a tension in the air. Our winning streak was on the line. A tense period of play followed, with both teams a bit too frenetic to produce any classy hockey that would break the deadlock. When we did finally break the deadlock, it still wasn't classy, with another scrap in the D finally being slotted home by Jon, finally getting on the scoresheet for the season and moving above the likes of George and Average in the Goal King table.

For some crazy reason I was subbed off. As always when the team is without me, I feared the worst. So I was surprised to witness what came next: a string of three quick goals all set up and dispatched brilliantly. Obviously the key was the teamwork - just think what a different story it would have been had I not been on hand on the sideline to direct people and 'pass orders down'. The first was a solo effort from Jon. Its amazing what one goal will do for a young lad's confidence. And even more amazing what it will do for an old codger like Hawkes. After the luck of the bounce favoured him following a tackle that Chris G would admiringly describe as 'robust', Jon found himself at the top of the D, staring into the whites of a now petrified keeper's eyes. Maybe the keeper had been to our training sessions and seen a few of Jon's hits. I'm pretty sure he didn't see this one though, as Jon unleashed a bullet of a shot past the keeper's head before he could even say 'Oh Sh...!'. The next two goals were practically mirror images of each other, both straight out of the F Johnson School of Sexy Hockey: Quick, incisive one-twos down the pitch between Chris P and Graham, with a final pass leaving the keeper with no chance of a save.

There was still time for Chris G to stake a claim for Lemon (and almost Own-Goal-King-For-Life) with a horrendously executed Spin Of Doom™ which span off the back line, inches from his own goal. In the end though it was Jon who stole the Lemon Show. Presented with the ball mere inches (Finn-Inches, that is ;-) from the goal line, he somehow contrived to launch the ball over the cross-bar (and over the fence) in a cynical act of jug-avoidance.

And so the match finished. 5-1. But despite the score-line, Peterborough proved to be a surprisingly strong side with lots of skill and an excellent keeper. But enough about them - the South Winning Machine rolls on. Next stop for the Banter Bus: St Neots. Oh - and did I mention we're now two points clear at the top of the league? Again, you're welcome.