em>hor's note: It was suggested to me that a suitable title for this report would be 'The Joy of Six' by G. McCulloch. However, initial internet-based research into the analogies that could be used in this particular play-on-words, conducted at the author's workplace, met with stern rebuke from the IT department's web filters, and so the plan was abandoned. Much to everyone's relief no doubt.)

Saturday 10th November, 2012 will go down in the Cambridge South Hockey Club record books*. Yes, it was indeed a record-breaking day. For that day, that unprecedented, bookie-defying, crowd-pleasing day, was the day that Average received his lowest ever number of Lemon of the Match votes (1). Oh - and we scored 12 goals and conceded none. So there's that too. 'Every cloud...' and all that.

Fear not - I won't detail all 12 (not even in bullet points). Partly because I can't remember them (although when has that ever stopped a South report-writer from crafting an eloquent and astonishingly precise description of a goal) but mostly because they weren't all that exciting.

After last week's 8-1 Rout of Rutland™ speculation was rife about what would unfold this week. Which may explain the bet that Miss Baker is now bitterly regretting: For every goal her beloved Jon scored, Graham would buy them both a drink. But for every goal Graham scored, both Bex and Jon would buy Graham a drink. It would prove to be a very expensive day for Miss Baker...

With the twin pairing (not my expression) of Bhav and Paresh filling in at the back for the absent Graveling and Wych, and spurred on by the absence of Finn for the week, South started the match brightly. It wasn't long before crowds of female supporters were flocking to the side-lines to cheer on the home team. This didn't have quite the desired effect, with several slap-stick comedy falls in the near vicinity of the ladies, presumably brought on by an over-eagerness to impress.

Despite large amounts of possession and acres of space in midfield for Mark, Jon and Jack, South struggled in the first half to find the net, with just a tap-in from Rich, a 'got it on the 4th attempt' push from Graham and another flick from Graham slotted past the keeper after a perfect set-up from Laurie. So 3-0 at half-time. The half-time talk centred around keeping our structure, discipline and intensity and not settling for a simple 4-0 victory or anything like that.

Message received. Have South ever scored 9 goals in one half of hockey? The second half really is a testament to the whole team's commitment to those three things: structure, discipline and intensity. Many of the goals were tap-ins. But we were able to score these tap-ins because we'd passed the ball quickly and accurately and everyone had maintained their positions. Jack, Jon and Mark all enjoyed lots of possession and space in midfield but much credit must go to the wingers, Rich, Chris and Laurie, who's tireless work created most of the chances and who also netted 5 goals between them.

With the South press intercepting almost all Alford passes towards the forwards, they were forced to throw aerials in a desperate attempt to make any attacking progress. In hindsight this tactic proved about as successful as most of the BK's chat-up lines, with the aerial bombardment dealt with professionally and skillfully by Twin #1 (Bhav).

Not to be outdone, Twin #2 (Paresh) and the ever-impressive Ed Broyd both played crucial roles in seeing off any further Alford attacks - largely by scaring the younger opposition players with their rather creepy moustaches. I think Average was playing as well - although to be honest I don't really remember any contributions from him.

And so the final whistle blew. The umpires got their calculators out, had a brief conflab and agreed on the score. 12 unanswered goals for South. A record of some sort, I'm sure. And six for the skipper.

Much credit to Alford & District who are a great bunch of guys and all came back for teas despite the heavy loss, traffic jams and the prospect of a long drive home.

And much credit to the side-line talent, I mean support, for the cheering. We can't promise that many goals every week but we'll try!

* stored under N. Sneade's bed and lovingly memorized each night before bed.**

** allegedly.