With the match at 3.30pm, we were confident that the infamous Tom South would turn up - later winning the (much coveted) ‘Tom South Tardiness Award - for Elevation of Tardiness to a Lifestyle Choice’. We were further reassured he was on ‘top’ form when he was the last person arrive.

However, with people’s minds more on the Annual Dinner (a.k.a. Apoca-lash) to come, the jovial 3s decided to get the hockey bit out of the way to move onto more serious matters of penny’ing drinks¹, arguing over which college is the best² and challenging the 4s to a boat race³. Having beaten St Ives 3s 2-1 a few weeks ago, and assuming that their 4s were worse than their 3s - we waltzed onto the pitch with a (semi) new formation of 4-4-2 . Lacking Jan and JB in defence due to poor excuses (ski(v)ing), Tom P stepped up from the 4s whilst Joe W joined Barton up front to try and bundle some goals into the back of the net.

The first 10-15 minutes were pretty good for South - having a few chances and a few short corners we were pretty positive about getting the first goal…which we eventually did!! Huza! So why is the score 0-1 at half time you ask? Not to be out-done by Mr Anonymous the other week trying to deflect the ball into our own goal - in a text book deflection off a foot, the ball lodged itself into our own top left corner leaving Steve flailing and speechless! If there was an award for the best own goal it would have most certainly been up there! There were a few chances from the long corners too, with Ali taking one and then working his way into the D. T South missed by a couple of inches on a couple of occasions, Joe got a couple stopped, Rupert almost got one and Barton tried to work his reverse stick magic - alas to no avail!

Half time - Ali gave some kind of motivational speech. Neil didn’t fancy our chances so made up an excuse and left⁴. Tom S moved into left-back in Neil’s absence - a position which he seemed to enjoy thoroughly⁵.

After this, Rupert and Joe swapped positions, with Rupert joining Barton up front and Joe taking left wing. There were a few one-twos between Joe and Tom S on the left but nothing fruitful came of these chances. Seven penalty corners later (no joking!)…Paul decided enough was enough! (akin to Lino’s, "Well, if you’re not going to tackle them then I’m going to do it for you!" MoM statement the other week.) Running up field, Paul (sweeper) found himself in uncharted territory…the other half of the pitch! (He had heard rumours that the grass was greener over here - only to find it was also made of astroturf…?!) However, undeterred from this discovery, like a duck to water Paul soon found the ball; winding back his stick he released a rocket⁶ into the D which Barton managed to get a deflection on, leading to a one-one scoreline.

Utilising this momentum, ten minutes from the end Rupert almost put us in front with (an almost signature move now) a dive and flick which went just over the top left bar. To quote Barton, “The best goal that never was!” Unlucky.

The last few minutes got a little frantic after this, Matt and Oli decided to do a bit of running and passing multi-tasking showing real danger in the dying few minutes.

Full time stayed at one-one. No-one went to teas because we were all frantically trying to get ready for the dinner in time. Sorry St Ives - we promise it was nothing personal.

Other mentions:

JT did some amazing stopping and seemed to invent a new game (within a game) of trying to get the ball on the opposition’s feet as much as possible. He also hurt his thumb, of which he made sure everyone was aware.

Andy - Decided the Science Fair would be more fun than playing hockey.

1 - Neil got one particular penny in a jug of water
2 - In the end we all decided to agree that Nottingham Uni was far superior to any Camb college (editors note: Joe concluded this)
3 - There were no boats involved
4 - To give him credit, he had to sort out the dinner
5 - He didn’t
6 - No pyrotechnics were used on the pitch