I’m starting to run out of ways of saying we tried hard, but were outplayed by a better team. Maybe I should just copy-and-paste one of the previous reports?

Our cause was not helped by our squad being raided from above once again, which left us in the familiar position of calling players up from the 4ths to fill the holes and going into the game with no subs. Though in truth this game was never likely to be the one to break the run of loses. Spalding are the league leaders, boasting a 100% record.

We almost travelled without a ‘keeper, as regular stopped Lino was out of the country and 4th team ‘keeper Shazhad, who was meant to be filling in, ended up spending most of his Saturday morning waiting to give a statement at a station (police) having witnessed some sort of incident at a station (train). I repeat, a witness statement, not being questioned. This meant ripping 5th team ‘keeper Rob from the pub, where he was just settling down to a pint and some pizza having earlier faced the ravening hordes of City 5ths. Which, with neat symmetry, also finished 0-6. Busy day.

The opening ten minutes was almost entirely played in our half, as our attempts to pass the ball upfield kept being cut out, but somehow we got through without conceding a goal. And then on one of our first forays upfield we came this close to nicking a shock lead as Jacob’s cross in from the right deflected off a defender, beat the ‘keeper and came back off the post. The rebound was in the vicinity of Ali with the goal gapping, but it just wouldn’t sit right. Ali’s one, two, three, four attempts to force it home against a battling defender ended with him flat on his back, desperately sweeping his stick at the loose ball. Comparisons with a fish-out-of-water are very unfair and will also give you a highly accurate mental picture of the scene.

The dam eventually burst at the other end from a short, deflected home by the injector. Spalding made it two when they ghosted through midfield and came rushing through onto our outnumbered defence. Rasmus tried to pressure, and James nearly intercepted a pass (getting his stick to it but not enough purchase), but it finished with the ball slipped under Rob as he flew out from his line.

That was it for the first half scoring, and the feeling was 0-2 at half-time wasn’t that bad. If we could maybe nick the next goal, Spalding might start to panic or something</straw clutching>. For ten minutes in the second half it was nip-and-tuck, but the hosts attacks always looked more coherent, and it wasn’t really surprising when it was they who added to the scoreline. A slightly unfortunate goal, as a short was partially broken up but not cleared, Rob getting to the rebound shot from a tightish angle only for the ball to get stuck in his kit and then fall out behind him, dribbling over the line before anyone could reach it.

The outcome was now decided and the questions left were simply i) how many? and ii) would we get a consolation? The answer to the first was three more, all nicely worked as we tired and grew more dispirited, Spalding taking advantage to cut us open. And the second bit was ‘no’, although we did come close in the last seconds of the match, an attack drawing a save from the ‘keeper which fell just out of reach of Rasmus to reverse sweep into the empty net. When he got his shot off a couple of seconds later it was blocked, fell to Ali at the top of the circle, who was winding up... and the final whistle blew! Arse.

Oh well. Maybe next week?