With City beating Ely 4s 15-0, Ely 3s 5-0 and St Neots 10-0 etc., South 4s went to the match expecting a tough game. This being said, South 4s led throughout the whole game comfortably, even dropping down to nine men at the end to give City 5s a sporting chance.

Goals rundown:

• 1-0 to South after a breakaway group (including Ian G, who is supposed to be a defender…hmm!) managed to smash it into the D and get one or two deflections into the goal.

• Half time

• 2-0 to South after Dave M smashes the ball into the D from a twenty-five yard free hit with a touch just inside by Joe sending it into the bottom right corner. City not happy.

• 2-1 still to South after City finally get on the scoring board after a short corner goes in.

• 3-1 to South after another breakaway and John G nails it home.

• 3-2 (last and final score!) Unsure if this was before or after Joe and Rupert decided to call it a day and place their bums permanently on the spectators' bench.

Fun facts:

• City weren't happy.

• City have only let in 5 goals this season, 3 of which came from us!

Other things that happened:

• Ian G hurt his hand and his leg.

• Dave M enjoyed giving Ian G a leg massage on the pitch; the umpire didn't.

• Joe's pre-match talks are akin to Jeremy Clarkson's speeches apparently.

• Dave M has introduced a new type of tackle: the 'leap on the floor tackle'.

• Shahzad saved 15 shorts and 1 penalty flick…without even touching the ball (not even joking!)

• Charlie turned up sober.

• Ian M was as solid as ever.

• Tom R 'puts his hands up in the air like he just doesn't care' - verbal warning.

• Ian G's bum got in the way of a kid - verbal warning.

• Ky lost his cool and subbed himself off before the umpire put him off - green card.

• Joe's stick tackle made a good sound - yellow card.

• Rupert thinks when a ref says '5m' he really means '5 yards' - yellow card.

• South are just too darn good - whole team warning.

• Taking twelve men to the pitch, we only ended up with nine remaining on it.

• Apparently we have a ghost who plays for South…oooo spooky!

• There wasn't a Perse School open day.

Friendly v Saffron Walden 6s next week. Should be a nice chilled occasion against our friendly rivals where we have each taken two matches from one another. 2-2. The fifth and the decider awaits.

South on three.