Foreword (Joe Whittaker):

I was confident in my team, having nurtured them from the little ducklings that they were at the beginning of the season. So confident in fact, that I decided not to play in this match, opting instead to subject myself to a 7 hour lecture on how you can bottle and market tap water (with the right strap line) and sell it as if it were worth its weight in gold.

Did you even realise that 'Evian' is 'Naive' spelt backwards?

You do now.

The actual match report:

Arriving at the pitch was made more difficult than usual. St John's College had conspired to lock Cambridge South (and St Neots) out of the facilities for no reason at all, having no obvious connections to any of the other Cambridge hockey teams. Sure, there was a small 2-inch deep puddle at the entrance to the usual car park - careful, Jan - but the college had deemed the parking to be at risk of flooding, and locked a dozen cars in for the weekend. The gate to the pitch was locked too, but James's valiant attempts to get the code from the lovely female groundkeeper were outdone by Tom's, er... code-guessing... abilities.

We had a good turn-out for the game despite missing some of the usual suspects: one notable absence was our fearless captain Joe, whose priorities were called into question as he was too busy furthering his career. Therefore, some of the team - regrettably - had to be played out of position. Dave Monck felt especially hard done by by the captain, and in the next game will only accept an apology by way of being played as a centre forward.

The game started well, with the South 4s spending most of the time in the opposition half. Within 10 minutes, John Greaves had put the 4s ahead with a brilliant reverse stick sweep, clearly inspired by Robbie Barton (king of the reverse) who was also playing up front. There were a few more chances in the half, but none were on target.

A rare break from St Neots then caught South outnumbered at the back but the home team were let off the hook as the shot went just high and wide of the goal. Other than that, Wilco was playing some of his best hockey for the second game running, Boris 'contributed' by sending several shoulder-high balls into the St Neots D, while Dave Monck took out a St Neots defender, sending him flying like a rag doll. All this was happening in the right half of the pitch but no more goals came until after half-time.

The team talk during the break was fairly positive. We had continued the good marking and setting up from last week and we were talking to one another more than ever, partly due to James's "find-a-friend" initiative, which really is taking off. With a few minor improvements, the game should have been there for the taking.

The second half continued to be dominated by the greens but an early conceded foul led to St Neots scoring a textbook goal from the short corner. This was unexpected but didn't dent South's hopes until, halfway through the second half, lightning struck a second time, with Neots' #77 Sean flicking from yet another exceptional short. Perhaps Shahzad shouldn't have brought that book...

Frustration was beginning to show on the faces of the Cambridge South players but somehow we channelled this into urgency. Dominating possession (still), we were able to win our first short corner of the day, later followed by the second. The Neots keeper was up to the task on both counts, and the game went on. A series of free hits just outside the opposition D culminated in Dave Monck passing to Boris who was unmarked in the area, took a couple of touches to turn, and slipped the ball into the goal past the goalie who was rushing out.

This renewed the South belief, but time was running out also. With five minutes left, more South pressure resulted in long corners, free hits, counter-attacks, and even some shots, but the final product was still missing. Two minutes remained, and things were getting nervy. It looked like St Neots' 3s bogey status was right on the money.

Suddenly, with what felt like seconds left on the clock, Boris picked up a ball out of defence on the right wing, and found Nathan, calling in the middle of the pitch. Nathan took the ball and headed for the goal unopposed, rounding the keeper to shoot. Unfortunately, Rob also had his designs on the ball, and - in a heart-in-mouth moment - bailed out at the last second, allowing Nathan to put the game to bed. The team headed back to the centre spot to defend with all eleven players, but the final whistle sounded as the ball was played. A fairytale result.

A tie for Man of the Match was decided by Boris who awarded it to Nathan for his ice-cold finishing. "Last-minute hero" and "excellent game" were some of the comments on the votes, with honourable mentions going to Wilco, and Boris. Tom R and James S were also included in the nominations for going above and beyond the call of duty to get us into the pitch enclosure, but played a great game also. LOM determined that the match report was to be written by Dave in conjunction with the good people of St John's College.

I'd also like to recognise the hard work of our two umpires, Serin and Graham, who were going for their Level 1 umpiring qualification during our game. Thanks to you both, and congratulations on passing.

Postscript (Joe):

In other serious news (of which I'm sure Jan will interject about the professionalism and accuracy of some of these claims):

• We now only need one more win to guarantee winning the league (discounting City as a team, which I believe everyone does on a moral basis).

• One of those 'more games' includes St Ives 5s......I'm just saying!

• Boris has now redeemed himself from the only league defeat the M4s have suffered this season.

Shall the M4s collect their trophies now?

South on three (not two, Wilco!)