Expecting to travel with a bare eleven (not literally, we hasten to add), the cancellation of the M2s home fixture vs Stortford 3rds resulted in a three-player windfall as we added Ali, JT and Oli, providing the luxury of subs for our trip down the M11.

Which was just as well, as a warm and muggy morning together with the heavy surface of Hockerill College’s sandy pitch meant we were in for a real pre-season workout.

First, there was the usual waiting around while the squad assembled at the new Long Road meeting point. Last to arrive was the Monckosaurus in the Crumbmobile, having apparently been delayed by driving through a heavy shower of purple rain on the way over. It seems the redecoration of his bonnet and windshield was actually the result of parking his car beneath a cherry tree, whose fruits were then devoured by a flock of amply-defecating birds.

After the initial challenge of finding which of Hockerill College’s three entrances led to the pitch, the start was steady enough. Stortford were edging it in territory with South relying on quick counters to threaten.

The slow surface took some adjustment, as passes were repeatedly underhit or players waited for balls which were intercepted as they faded. Twice in two minutes, this led to Stortford’s forwards bursting through behind Jan and the Monckosaurus on to short balls and bearing down on goal, requiring some last ditch covering from Shahzad in goal to avert an opening score.

As the visitors adjusted to the pace of the pitch and upped their work rate, the play started to become more even. Dave’s trademark wallops from defence weren’t having their usual range on the treacle-like surface but more use of Oli and Tom on the wings brought better results. Midway through the half, James M had a sniff of goal but the chance was quickly shut down by the Stortford keeper.

The second half followed a similar pattern, Stortford continuing to use pace and some quick passing to probe but the South defence standing firm and the midfield breaking forward when the ball was turned over. Stortford had the ball in the South goal from a penalty corner, but well above the backboard. Down the other end, a Dave Monck Special from a South short was arrowing towards the top edge of the backboard before a great save off the line from the prone Stortford goalie.

South’s best spell of play came in the final quarter, with the first period of really consistent pressure in Stortford’s final third. Oli found himself one-on-one with the keeper but his shot couldn’t find a way past. At the other end, Shahzad was called on to make a few clearances but without any requirement for last-ditch heroics.

Both teams were feeling the effect of the humid conditions, heavy surface and long summer break as the game petered towards its inevitable 0-0 conclusion: probably a fair result on a day when there was more huffing and puffing than end product from both sides. Still, a good runout and a competitive game was just what’s required from a pre-season warmup.