Emerging blinking and groping into the light after a long period of hibernation, a star-studded Vets line-up did an excellent impression of a Status Quo reunion gig, banging out the familiar riffs and playing the old three-chord tricks despite being heard to creak slightly when in range of the large and appreciative audience (estimate: six).

Sympathetic umpires, Rich Morgan and John Benedikz, helped out with all those confusing new rules as necessary but there was no need for explanation when top whistler Steve Riches, miracul­ously reborn as a left back, got a solid foot on the ball in a way that everyone would have recognised from twenty years ago on grass.

Once the odour of liniment had settled, the game was played at an entertainingly quick pace and there was plenty of skill on view on both sides, from old and older alike. Mark Pears, inveigled to appear for his old club, gave Newmarket the lead after ten minutes with a fine reverse shot into the top corner but a swift interpassing move featuring Rob Barton - who one day will surely fulfil his ambition of playing and scoring for all the club's teams within a 24-hour period - and a dynamic David Bridge was then delightfully topped off by Richard Bettison for a deserved equaliser. Steve Fleck, feisty and labyrinthine as ever, had a shot stopped on the line and there was much committed to-ing and fro-ing in midfield, with Matt Readman, in tune with the secret of eternal youth, finally locating that overdrive gear he's been looking for for years.

South's back line of Riches and Pride (only two of the deadly sins boasted by South's experienced and multifarious side) hit some cracking drives off the tee whilst occasionally teasing the forwards with a saucy air shot and Kevin, aided by the cast, made sure there was no shortage of witty and la­conic encouragement to distant parts of the team. Meanwhile, Roger Craigen and Keith Davidson continued to display extreme savoir faire on their respective sides of the pitch and their contributi­ons were elegant and measured, even when they didn't have the ball.

Rob Barton, tipped on by Richard, then put South in the lead after twenty minutes, while David Bridge knocked one just wide after a silky cruise by Matt. It was clear, though, that Newmarket had some swift and suspiciously young(ish) looking chaps at the business end and Steve Parker in goal had to play a blinder to keep the score down, using all parts of his equipment / anatomy / magnetic field / clairvoyant powers to repel boarders. Newmarket levelled just before half-time as South's attention wandered at the prospect of a quick smoke, a dose of the "old git spray" (clearly a favour­ite Bettison standby) or just a nice sit down. God, thirty-five minutes is a long time, isn't it?

Oh no, we have to do it all over again, and uphill this time! Service was resumed with a smile and a stubbed-out cig and, thus refreshed, South tackled their Everest with good grace. The two Steves, Parker and Fleck - resuming a playing partnership from the early 80s (get some in, cried the real veterans) - were in fine form at either end of the pitch and David Bridge brought the house down with the old Coldham's Common party trick of pre­tending to forget­ which line was the touchline. Tactfully, Johnny B let him dribble for a few yards to milk the applause. After a superb run by gas-guzzler Readman, Newmarket scored a rather classy goal to edge in front and, at this stage, I regret your correspon­dent was given another posting, which means that I only have it on hearsay that a further two goals were conceded (shame!) as lunchtime at the boozer began to dominate thoughts.

In conclusion, it seemed to the watching millions that a damned fine time had been had by all, with a good comp­etitive game having been played in friendly spirit, and it was only a pity that impresa­rio Jim Thorpe, who had assembled this dream line-up and done all the organising, was unable to lend his unique and bonhomous talents to the occasion. There's always next time, of course, and those whose names I apologise for missing on this occasion will doubtless have further opportuni­ties for fame and fortune on the green baize in the future!