The setting: an early Saturday morning at Long Road. The weatherman tells me the temperature was high single figures, cloudy, with a light 3-4mph EastSouthEasterly wind. There was a light spluttering of rain at some point.

The warm up: Anns was customarily open about his morning ablutions. Lamming hit himself in the head. Venner turned up for the team photo. Cooper made us all tired. All standard M2 tactics.

The match: well we had three subs for this one. An advantage you would have thought? There were times (most of the match) where the forwards had no clue where they were meant to be, having rotated like clockwork to Cooper's seven minute schedule. It was all cool though, because Walsh in the middle shouted at us lots. This was useful.

The start was solid, possession was kept, passes were completed, many, many substitutions were made. Eventually, after a somewhat scrappy affair, Lamming pushed the ball not into his head this time, but about six inches into the goal. 1-0. A good start. The defence dealt well with occasional flurries of pressure from Nomadic players who, fortunately, stayed well away from the stench of Lino's kit (now complete).

After drinks were had at half time and Cooper had said some wise words, we went back out; this time facing the other way. Our attacks consisted mainly of break-away-counters, which suited us fine and we scored again - a lovely piece of play saw Haslop feed the ball across the keeper to Johnson who tidied it away neatly. 2-0. Now all we had to do was not lose.

Lino saved an absolute blinder that came off Anns’ stick and was heading fast for the top corner. A 'Long Road bouncer' however tricked everyone from the edge of the D and put the score at 2-1. At some point during the second half, it must be mentioned that Anns managed to rip his shorts almost off. No one, including Anns, knows how this happened. Luckily, Little Tom made no appearance. The closing stages felt like an eternity, but the whistle went at the end of an enjoyable game and a happy three points for the 2s.

Thanks as always to the umpires; only one green card our way - Haslop for the 'worst stick tackle of this match'. However, I have to disagree - Venner was particularly lumberjacky during the first half and he therefore gets my award for worst sticky. Sorry to steal your thunder, Laurie.

Celebrations moved off to Cantabs where Anns was keen to point out the difference in quality of his own beard (dirty dirty) and Jim Hockley’s (thick and luxuriant, like a carpet made from mink). I happen to share a common name with Tom’s chosen metaphor, so for interest - the Tanner scale.