Breaking News: Xabi Alonso has left CSHC 2nd XI and returned to Bayern Munich, or he might have been stolen by the 1st XI... Sources are yet to confirm, or it might have just got lost in the emails……

Email management is not a strong point this season, though apparently another team is worse. How does it not get filtered to spam? With club attendance at a record low this week, it only got worse. After what appeared to be 100 emails and texts and 22 players later, we got a side out, adjusted late Friday night to make up for a lie in (or having to venture too far away from Cambridge - how many miles has Culprit A travelled - where has this feature gone from the site!)... The problems getting a side out this week were no doubt caused by Christmas shopping, or just the fact that the annual Christmas party is this weekend and everyone wanted to get as far away as possible! Sorry, Laurie. Now, if we'd had it in Vegas…

Frankly, the game of hockey this week took a massive backseat owing entirely to the "JT and the Adventures Of A Golf" episode. The match was just the icky filling in the sandwich.

Welcome to winter hockey and a nice freezing cold Saturday morning - a long trip away from Cambridge and games being cancelled left right and centre. It was amazing our game was somehow on. Thankfully it was or this would never have happened…not that I'd want to go through it again!

Everything started so well. Everyone was almost on time for the meet and into the new car we jumped, under strict instructions not to spill anything. Minor problem, Matt had supplied mince pies and a box of Krispy Kreme donuts. Off we go happily following the sat nav. After all, we know where we are going, right? Head to Peterborough and then just sort of take a right at some point. There was minor concern after we turned up at the pitch below thinking this probably wasn't where we were meant to be heading.

Nice to check out some of the houses round there but the common feeling was you probably wouldn't want to live there. Slightly confused as to how we arrived here, perhaps the entry of the wrong post code in the sat nav, we were not in anyway discouraged by the fact we still had to get to the pitch in twenty minutes and had no clue how far we were from it. Instead we used the opportunity to check out the local talent thinking we could perhaps come back after the game for a night out in the suburbs.

Ten mins later, after driving past the entrance twice, we finally found the car park…. You'd think that would be it but there seemed to be no access to the pitch, so we asked a friendly footballer's coach/father where the astro was. "Not got a f…. clue mate." Oh, so it wasn't just where you came from then….. Obviously not! Maybe a night out here wasn’t on the cards after all.

Upon finally arriving at the pitch, it was a little frozen but would thaw out in the next seven minutes by the time we were due to start the game which would be the debut of New-New-Chris, or in Simon's case, New-Old-Chris. This is all getting very confusing and we frankly need to be better at coming up with names. Anyway, in typical fashion he was late, so we started with ten, he didn't have a shirt - it was in Simon's car *sigh* and we were already massively under pressure in the game with some strong players using the game as a chance to get some fitness back after injury layoffs.

Other than that Chris was pretty good. He scored a cracking goal and had one disallowed when the umpire blew for a short while he was in the process of shooting. JT also popped up with a goal which was probably the highlight of his weekend given what was to come later. Coops played a cracker in goal putting in a MoM performance keeping the score down which could easily have been in double figures. All in all not a bad result given the weakened team we had out.

And so the fun began… technology is wonderful when it works and when you know how to use it. When it doesn't…it's a long walk home.

Keyless Entry is our automatic locking and starting system. It's very convenient as you just have to carry the key, which houses an ID sender. The key is identified via sensors in the door handles and a radio pulse generator in the key housing when you are within 1.5 metres of your car. It automatically unlocks as soon as the door handle (or boot lid) is operated. The system also releases the steering lock and turns on the ignition electronically, without inserting the key. Provided you have the key on you while inside the car, the engine can be started by simply pressing the starter button. However, the key can also be used like a conventional one to operate the central locking and start the car via the ignition. When leaving the car, you simply press the locking button on the door handles. http://www.volkswagen.co.uk/technology/glossary/keyless-access

JT took the sensible option to drop his bags off in his car on the way back from the pitch before showering, which in no way was on the route from the pitch to the shower, but either way it was a smart thing to do. That is until you realise that you have left your keys and phone in the car, and it's locked. Now…VW insist that this isn't possible, as a number of calls to a number of VW garages confirmed, and this doesn't happen and we've never known it to happen. Well that's great, thanks VW but we are standing outside the car and the keys are inside. How should you get into the car in this situation? By calling VW breakdown who will hold no responsibility for the damage they may do getting into the car through the window. Right, we could do that by just putting a brick through it.

Second problem, the phone was in the car, and who remembers their girlfriends, parents, or anyone's number anymore… so we can't call anyone to bring the spare set of keys. Oh, and she's sleeping as she's working nights… Numbers backed up to the cloud? Of course not, why bother, it's not safe anyway. Much Facebooking and I have no idea how many calls later, after the 4th team (who were playing after us) had been and left teas, we started the walk back from teas to the car and awaited the spare set of keys.

Thanks to JT's lady for driving all the way up just to drop off a key. I hope he made it up to you, we'd probably still be up there otherwise.

The car frankly wasn’t done with us though and on the final stretch of the A14 on comes the tire pressure warning. Surely we didn't have a puncture just to round off the day…. False alarm, but it did tell us when we started back up that the battery in the keys was dead, wouldn't that have been helpful on the way up? Guessing the Golf won't be making any more away trips this year!