Have you ever been kicked in the nuts?

That is what this game felt like.

If the person doing the kicking had taken a really, really long run-up and was wearing diamond-pointed shoes.

We hit both posts, had two shots cleared off the line and Shin kicked one back from the (attacking) goal-line. We tried to burrow a hole in the goalie's chest-guard. We missed to the left and the right. We used short corners as defending practice.

The first twenty minutes was so one-sided that I was going to let Parker off his match fee. With only a penalty stroke from Shin to show for it at half time, we'd have been disappointed but still more than confident. However, a small child was allowed to wander into the D and fire off a gentle reverse-stick looper to even things up and matters got worse in the second period when a series of mishaps allowed a slam into the circle to be deflected into the South net.

Peterborough's only other shot of the match that I can remember was batted away in mid-air by an airborne Anns, sealing the MoM vote in the absence of anything better.

Three things improved the day:

• Showers that assaulted the senses with unending hot water.
• Sausages and wedges, followed by Bourbon biscuits.
• Ali's car-related embarrassments. Really very funny.