Hole 1 – St Neots’ circle. Pint of Beer. Par 4
JT out to Dave. Crashed into backboard with a valedictory thump. A birdie!
Score: 1 under par

Hole 2 – South half. Alcopop. Par 1
Free hit into our circle catches defence dozing. Shot on turn finds corner of our net. Bogey.
Score: Evens

Hole 3 – South circle. Vodka + mixer. Par 2
Neat home shortie with powerful pinpoint shot. Bogey.
Score: 1 over par

Quick break in clubhouse mid-round. Dan shows up in his plus-fours, ready for 'combat'. Better late than never. Back to the course.

Hole 4 – Matt’s Big Left Glove. Gin and Tonic. Par 2
Ripping shot from St Neots' skipper that is flashing into top corner. Matt waves it away in imperious fashion, without even breaking sweat. Proper British reserve. Par.
Score: 1 over par

Hole 5 – Umpire's pocket. Cider and black. Par 3
Dan makes shuddering stick tackle. Both umps blowing furiously on whistle. Slice of lime is offered. Now there are 15 of us, we are playing with 10! We hold out without further damage. Par.
Score: 1 over par

Holes 6 and 7 – St. Neots circle. Shot. Par 1
Three or four shorties for South. Can we nick an equaliser? One causes a goalmouth, but no-one is able to put their stick through the loose ball. The last bobbles on the inject and isn’t cleanly collected at the top of the circle. Wasted opportunities to get back to evens.
Score: 1 over par

Hole 8 – Nearly Christmas. Large Baileys. Par 1
Dying stages of the game and the 2015 part of the league season. Forward free to shoot in our circle. Thoughts turn to tinsel and certain bottles are brought up from the back of the drinks cabinet in preparation. Not necessarily to everyone's taste. Bogey.
Final score: 2 over par

Hole 9 – Pub then Curry house. Kingfisher or Cobra. Par 5
How is the head this morning, Joe?