1. This is Emma
Emma just wants to be part of the team
Therefore Emma works hard for her team and is man of the match (default)
Emma is smart
Be like Emma

2. This is Julie
Julie knows how to get out of children's parties early...
Because Julie plays hockey
Be smart and play hockey
Be like Julie

3. This is Loopy
Loopy knows the importance of man marking in the 25
Loopy knows that if this happens properly she won't have to touch the ball
Be a smart goalkeeper
Be like loopy

4. This is Gee
Gee knows how important wearing a mouth guard is
Gee wears one; "Come on Gee"
Be smart
Be like Gee

5. This is Lou
Lou has scabby knees
Lou spends a lot of her time diving on the floor reopening scabs
Be smart and stay on your feet
Don't be like Lou

6. This is Jeffers
Jeffers brings water to the game; she knows this is smart.
She doesn't manage to get it into her mouth and spills it in the special half time jelly babies
Be smart
Don't be Jeffers

7. This is Jess
Jess doesn't manage to turn up to games on time
Jess still manages to score three goals
Turn up on time
Don't be like Jess (but still score three goals)

8. This is Laura
Laura has a dodgy shoulder but plays for her team anyway
Laura scores from an amazing high ball swipe following up by scoring two more (and had two disallowed)
Be smart and score goals
Be like Laura

9. This is Flix
Flix is a forward and knows how important scoring as a forward is
Therefore Flix scored a goal
Flix is smart, when she isn't still drunk
Be like Flix, when she isn't still drunk

10. This is Hannah
Hannah knows how important it is to play hockey
Hannah therefore plays two games in one day for the club
Hannah is in it for the club
Hannah is smart
Everyone should be more like Hannah

11. This is Diane
Diane is captain and asks her team to score lots of goals
Her team scores 12
Diane is smart
Be like Diane!

12. This is Kim
She rates herself
She gives herself a Solid Eight - fairly understandable when scoring a hat-trick
Be smart, but don't rate yourself
Don't be like Kim