I feel a great melancholy.

The 2015/16 season is over and already I am mourning its passing with a feeling that’s as deep as it is surprising. Twenty-two league fixtures have been ingested, masticated and expelled from the M2s' machine, leaving behind a 4^th place finish, plenty of happy memories and the most awful of headaches. A note to self: do not follow 6 hours on the beers with a strong G&T and a Chilli Burger from the Van of Life. Also, if you find Harry wandering around the centre of town looking for his car (in the marketplace??), don’t take him home with you unless you want to spend a good few minutes listening to him redecorating your bathroom (and not in a good way, which is a shame, as our bathroom could do with a proper redecoration).

The final episode saw us travel to St Ives, who had been stuck in the lower reaches of the division all season. Oven had been busy preparing for the occasion, making two types of muffin and purchasing a crate of beers. Mary Berry had fallen off the rails.

Shin had decided that sending round pictures of whiskey-drinking at 1am was a good way to get in shape. The team responded by sending him to warm-up alone, which he took in typically good spirits.

The game itself was something of a non-starter; a particularly scrappy affair that never really got out of first gear. In fact, by half-time the gearbox was completely mangled and it was back to the garage. Somewhere in this malaise, St Ives managed to take the lead. The last touch came off yours truly though, which the South boys kindly argued should cancel out my glorious goal from last week and leave me score-neutral for the season. At the other end, Nelson was having ‘one of those games’, ably deflecting a number of efforts wide of the goal and generally playing a stormer on behalf of the home side’s defensive unit before finally throwing himself to the ground in disgust. Our opponents' own manager was heard commending his efforts.

What a turnaround in the second period though. McCree and Dudd/Menzies/Mann (can’t remember which one) combined to release Dom down the South left and he powered his way goal-ward. Approaching the D…the big wind-up…closed eyes, all round…

GOAL! Heartily smacked into the bottom left.

The momentum (such as there was) now firmly with us, a number of short corners followed. Shin’s flicks were being ably repelled so a change of tack was required. Avast, me hearties, it was James Menzies time. A deft deflection sealed the deal and it was back to Cambridge we travelled, eagerly checking the other league results to see what the ramifications would be for us, both in terms of league position this year and travelling arrangements for next season’s away fixtures.

We finished up the year with a record that reads: P22 W12 D4 L6 GF54 GA33

Or, assuming the season *actually* started on the 24^th October: P17 W11 D4 L2

To save Jan from having to comment on this report, I can also tell you that last season’s efforts were: P22 W9 D4 L9 GF53 GA47 – read into that what you will.

Now, it is time for the traditional Roll of Dishonour (2015/16 Lemons):

Cooper (6)
19.09.15 – Failed to remember the time, venue and other crucial details of a fixture he was co-ordinating.
24.10.15 – A visit to the league leaders is not particularly enjoyable on your own. When very hungover and you have to stop on the way for a ‘pastie’.
05.12.15 – Communication is a vital part of defending. But don’t shout that you’ve got it if you demonstrably have not got it.
05.03.16 – Even less secure in possession than usual. After two passes to the opposition’s centre forward, I laugh and say that I won’t be doing that again. Instantly did it again.
12.03.16 – Caught up in the euphoria of scoring a wonder-goal equaliser, Walshy somehow received a black eye.
19.03.16 – Cancelled out the previous week’s wonder-goal and then failed to invite the lads to a CCHC Ladies' pillow-fight at his house.

Mann (3)
31.10.15 – The start of the pre-match inspirational YouTube videos.
13.02.16 – I know he’s good, but taking a dressing room all to yourself is too much.
27.02.16 – Present at the infamous ‘is 7 really just 4’ evening and then sabotaged his teammates’ showers.

Walsh (3)
03.10.15 – Curious hair gel application couldn’t be blamed for the umpire’s marching orders.
23.01.16 – One of my favourites, this. Temporarily dismissed from the field of play and then watering the flowers when called upon to return.
06.02.16 – Shared the Lemon with Dom after being sent sprawling by a small gust of wind.

Anns (2)
26.09.15 – The team did not appreciate the visual implications of nudey star jumps. So. Much. Bouncing.
21.11.15 – Choosing his moment wisely, Anns tries to chat up the female umpire. She (quite rightly) sends him off.

Edge (2)
17.10.15 – Poor driving. Short arms. Cue the beeping.
14.11.15 – Laura finds it hard work ‘on the Edge’.

Nelson (2)
09.01.16 – Actually scored two goals in this game but still sealed the ‘Lemon’ title with a belly-flop that put him out for a couple of weeks.
06.02.16 – Shared the Lemon with Walshy. Dom’s contribution was seeking to injure his teammates before the game by flicking the ball at their face, then injuring himself chasing a lost cause (when we only had a bare XI).

Russell (2)
07.11.15 – Broken thumb or not, there is no excuse for not knowing how to use a breadknife.
28.11.15 – Classic jug-avoidance in a routine 5-1 win over St Ives at home.

Lamming (1)
30.1.16 – In another 5-1 victory, it was Wizard’s magical right-post misses that won the most votes.

Monck, N (1)
10.10.15 – Pre/Post and During-match pizza consumption.

Nightingale (1)
16.01.16 –Dan Loy had just arrived from the birth of his first child at Addenbrookes. Adam responding by nicking his goal on the line.