What a massive weekend; a derby game against City, FA Cup football and Australian Open women's final! Oh, and my wife's birthday…bugger. I let the boys down on MWon, Mike offering some cracking advice from his years of marriage. I'd have to find a way to watch this game, it'll be too good to miss.

Saturday morning, I tried to persuade her to let me go play. I got her all the presents she wanted (probably): a new aerial hockey stick - definitely not a fake, some camouflage Adidas astros, and an #ADL #FEU #Solid mug. I think she liked that the best but she was having none of it! I needed a plan to make sure I at least watched the game.

We went out for a nice lunch, south side of Cambridge obviously - my suggestion. I sneakily set an alarm on my phone that sounded like my ring tone…it would go off just before dessert. It rings, I'm not ready, I panic and drop my phone…but quickly pick it up. "Yessir… Out for lunch with the missus… What?! There's a water shortage at Long Road? The local hockey teams are complaining about the lack of showers and lights! You need me on crowd control? Yessir, right away sir! All day long!" I made my excuses and got out of there, pretty sure she didn't know what was going on. Result!

I arrive just as the game starts… I can't play, obviously, and there are far too many people here that would tell my wife where I'd been and what I was really doing…so I stayed in the treeline - I'd trained all my life for this… I'll do surveillance on the match, no-one will ever know.

The game was hotly contested, both teams were clearly up for it. Graveling won an early card for a stick tackle. I could hear Bhav shouting on the sideline. City broke quickly from a free hit and managed to nab a goal! South swiftly responded and upped the ante. There were more green cards for both City and South! Even my ex-wingman got a card…he's changed… Jason was making some great saves; I wonder what he's having for his dinner… My Essex lad, Rich, was also playing really well, distributing the ball up the line and didn't get a card once!

Bhav was really shouting now; something happened, the umpire came over - I used my lip reading skills to catch what was said… "Good sir, would you mind piping down? I have a terrible headache and can't focus on umpiring this game in a fair and unbiased way." Or something like that.

South won a short corner - this was it, we'd grab a goal here for sure. The ball came out to Pearson, who sent it straight back to Mike on the post, who bundled it in! Yes! "ALL DAY LONG ALL DAY LONG!" The spectators turned around and stared at my bush… Obviously they couldn't see me, my surveillance skills are top notch…but perhaps I should be quieter.

The game was pretty even but there was a lack of strength as City were barging all over South! It was like WWE. If I were playing I would've used some excessive force on them and all…

The second half started similarly. My phone buzzes, it's the wife! "Uh, hi honey… Yeh, it's really crazy here! …Probably thirty-five more minutes… The bill? I'm the bill? …Oh, pay it…I'll cover you later… I know it's your birthday, I've got duties as a police officer, man… I'll come as soon as I can."

Enough distractions; I continued to watch the game. Pearson was making great runs and trying to set up another goal but to no avail. Highlights included Matt 'Boris' Kenzie stealing a tap in from the skipper and missing it! Doubt he'll be around next week. Graveling conceded a short corner by hitting Stu on the foot, from a sixteen no less! That's a lemon right there! Paresh generally bossed the defense and flattened the same City player over and over and over! Now that's excessive force! Even knows how to make it look legal…true police material right there! Even Ollie got a card! Sounded like he called the umpire a dirty dirty…foot? Sam hobbled off with a leg injury, looks like the curse of MWon strikes again.

Final whistle, only one point…but a decent point nonetheless. I sneak away back to lunch - the missus was none the wiser… #ADL