The M5 team arrived, as per time-honoured tradition, a mere fifteen minutes before pushback. The majority of that time was employed in trying to decipher the enigma code that was captain Shahzad's new substitution strategy. A strategy which required no less than three independent stop watches; substitutions at 8, 11, 12, 16, 22, 24 minutes; and at least a five gigabyte mobile data plan to read.

A well thought-out strategy indeed - albeit for the minor fact that none of the three stopwatches were reset at half time, rendering them completely useless for the entire second half. Anyway, more on that later…

Warm-up consisted of the usual 'Nick Georgiadis's five laps around the rugby pitch while everyone else watches.' Actually, that's not true at all - Rupert Espley joined in by rolling his bike to its parking spot. And I believe goalkeeper Shahzad was also ready for a lie-down by the time he finished kitting up - he did actually go on to lie down during several key moments of the game, but remained adamant that those decisions were purely tactical - the rest of the team remained sceptical.

Pushback was taken in twenty mile-per-hour winds. On paper, it looked to be a challenging game; the top-of-the-table M4 team did look formidable - if only for the first four seconds. The M5s held their ground and made a number of excellent plays, eventually culminating in an attacking short corner. It's prudent to note here that now-professional pusher, Howard Steed, and short corner striker, Shahbaz, have been doing a fair bit of short corner practice for exactly these situations. However, Sod's Law dictated that Howard would be subbed off at the time of the penalty corner, and the law was empirically proven once again. Pip Ho stepped up for the injection and the short corner strike by Sebastian Dias was unlucky to be snuffed out by the M4 defence.

A few minutes later, score still nil-apiece, another foray into the M4's D perpetrated by the combined actions of Pip, Rupert, Seb, and the ever-present Adrian Granger Brown was awarded with a penalty stroke courtesy of a goalline foot getting in the way of the ball and the backboard. Unfortunately, penalty-stroke taker and captain-on-the-day, Shahbaz, was on the sidelines as all this transpired. However, being thoroughly versed in every rule pertaining to penalty corners and strokes, captain Shahbaz, in a master stroke (pardon the pun) of captaincy, subbed himself on to take the penalty, scored, and then immediately subbed himself off. First blood to the M5s, and silence gripped the field.

What followed was a retaliatory period where the M4s put increased pressure on the scoreboard leaders. The "vastly experienced" defence, comprising Ky Ho, David Bridge, Daniel Watkins, Howard and Shahzad, held strong, stifling many an intrusion. The midfield machine of Pete Dreuitt, Nick, Rupert, Seb and Simon Kitchen never failed to lend defensive and attacking assistance when the game demanded.

Unfortunately, the waves and break-aways of the M4 attack became more frequent and a flurry of goals were conceded. The M5s themselves, never letting their heads drop, persisted with their own retaliations. Oliver Weston, Pip, Shahbaz, were on several occasions just short of notching the scoreboard. Even Andy Thomas, who was initially in defence, found himself in a one-on-one against the M4s' keeper. With the spectators and, I dare say, both teams cheering loudly behind him, he was unlucky to slip the ball a foot wide of the post.

After the concession of some more goals, MoM Pip was transferred to the "sweeper" position. If memory serves, I don't believe that the opposition managed to score any more goals after this rotation. He won countless possessions and took almost one of the best reverse hit shots at goal I've ever seen - I say almost, because he was standing in his own D at the time, and instead of towards a goal, the ball found its way into the group of M2 players standing on the sidelines actively discussing their pre-match alcohol and toilet habits. The M2 goalkeeper was later heard saying that it was the best pre-match warm-up he'd ever been given.

The match ended with one of the best goals of the game; a pass by Shahbaz through two defenders to the top-of-the-D Adrian, who one-touch lobbed the keeper for a slow but ever-so-satisfying game-ender.

Final score: two-seven. Well done! A great result for the M5s.

Notable mention goes to Oliver, the youngest player on the pitch for his David and Goliath moment; the smallest player on the pitch taking on arguably the largest. Charging, tackling and winning the ball from Alan "The Rock" Radford, is no mean feat. Oliver even put Stuart Creed under pressure at times.

Oh, and LoM goalie, Shahzad, was caught with his pants down - literally. He maintains that this was all a ploy to distract any would-be attackers. I'm not so sure, myself - wearing all that padding on a hot day can get very sweaty indeed!