Yous might rememba me from an interphew I did wiv Victoria an' me bruva Dave Peckhem fe Comic Relief da while bak [possible content warning]. Afta me Cambridge educashun, hit looks dig I iz da one gettin' interviewed now…

Da week started wiv 7, the rest Nays!
An' so hit remained fe da remainda hof da days.
We'd had better hurry; there was no time to waste!
Luckily, Rob Barton was on it with haste;
We needed help, like quick, on the double.
Have pity on South city, man it was in trouble!
On the half shell, we found our heroes: Four
In this day and age who could ask for more?

Togetha wiv uva skippers to ensure we could collectively make tings wurk. As hit iz gona happun, our m2s didn't as a game, meanin dat me bruva Ali E, an' Assassin's Steed's son Tom wuz kindly available to voluntea, as well as Ian 'Doc' Marshman, an' Rob '300 goals' Barton himself, as we dubbed dis week's massiv "Team Bartonez" as a nod to iz efforts durin da week. We now had a solid elevun, an' evun a sub!

We started hout strong an' ball remained definitively in our possession an' in da opposition's half fe da majority hof da game. Assassin's Steed Jr. fe real, weaved in, hout, an' around da opposishun defence like dey wuz crepe papa. Everyone includin our uva forward Mr Bartonez, graciously tried to pass da ball to him hat every opportunity fe him to wurk iz magic, as we all grew to feel dat dis ought to be da goal fe everyone on da field. Da lad's blaze wuz so bright afta 2 snoop goals, dat, true to iz name, e evun tried to assassinate iz own old geeza wiv da drag flik to da face. He points hout dat da ball wuz deflected by da keepa, but we all nah an assassin iz gona hof course try to 'deflect' iz true intentions!

Some memories from Mr Bartonez:

1. Howard should be geeza hof da match, e played well. Ironically, iz would-be assassin won da vote as da consolashun prize.

2. Tom Steed wuz well noble to acknowledge iz hat-trik goal wuz dangerous.

3. Let's hope Nick's hamstrin injury recovers soon, an' properly dis bells.

4. James "Pipes" Pipa an' Andi Caddy looked well solid hat da bak, togetha wiv me bruva Ali E. Goal scoring old bwoy Doc, an' young geeza Oli too made a yorkie midfield tag-team.

5. Da massiv kept shape incredibly well.

6. Rob would ave liked to ave eard louda / more callin.

7. Related, peeps got into yorkie positions but didn't necessarily receive da ball.

8. Da opposishun defended ratha stubbornly an' got bak in numbers.

9. An orange ball wuz ard to chek!

10. Da massiv looked dig dey wuz enjoyin themselves.

Some sweet teas wuz had while watchin da winta olympics - apologies from da chef as apparently our uva teams nicked all da meat! E therefore kindly complemented da meal wiv club an' penguin chocolates biskits; yum!

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Da translashun, fanks to da couple hof geezers names Merriam an' Webster:

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Da week started wiv 7, the rest Nays!
An' so hit remained fe da remainda hof da days.
We'd had better hurry; there was no time to waste!
Luckily, Rob Barton was on it with haste;
We needed help, like quick, on the double.
Have pity on South city, man it was in trouble!
On the half shell, we found our heroes: Four
In this day and age who could ask for more?

Together with other skippers to ensure we could collectively make things work. As it would happen, our M2s didn't have a game, meaning that my brother, Ali E, and Assassin's Steed's son, Tom, were kindly available to volunteer, as well as Ian 'Doc' Marshman, and Rob '300 goals' Barton himself, as we dubbed this week's team "Team Bartonez" as a nod to his efforts during the week. We now had a solid eleven and even a sub!

We started out strong and the ball remained definitively in our possession and in the opposition's half for the majority of the game. Assassin's Steed Jr, especially, weaved in, out and around the opposition defence like they were crepe paper. Everyone, including our other centre forward Mr Bartonez, graciously tried to pass the ball to him at every opportunity for him to work his magic, as we all grew to understand that this ought to be the goal for everyone on the field. The lad's blaze was so bright after two brilliant goals, that, true to his name, he even tried to assassinate his own dad with a drag flick to the face. He points out that the ball was deflected by the keeper, but we all know an assassin would of course try to 'deflect' his true intentions!

Some memories from Mr Bartonez:

1. Howard should be Man of the Match, he played well. Ironically, his would-be assassin won the vote as a consolation prize.

2. Tom was very noble to acknowledge his hat-trick goal was dangerous.

3. Let's hope Nick's hamstring injury recovers soon, and properly this time.

4. James Piper and Andi Caddy looked very solid at the back, together with Ali E. Goal scoring old boy Doc, and young man Oli too, made a great midfield tag team.

5. The team kept its shape incredibly well.

6. Rob would have liked to have heard louder/more calling.

7. Related: people got into great positions but didn't necessarily receive the ball.

8. The opposition defended rather stubbornly and got back in numbers.

9. An orange ball was hard to see!

10. The team looked like they were enjoying themselves.

Some nice teas were had while watching the Winter Olympics - apologies from the chef as apparently our other teams nicked all the meat! He therefore kindly complemented the meal with Club and Penguin chocolate biscuits; yum!