How to play Div 6 hockey…

Collect mixed bunch of enthusiastic hockeyists aged between sixteen and sixty.

Prepare for the game via medically proven warm-up routine.

Pass ball to people in purple shirts, preferably when they dont have an opposition player in close proximity.

Force goalkeeper, hitherto frustrated by lack of saves to make, to play up front so he runs around madly, energises the team, brings along group of fans to provide noise, and scores great goal from by-line pull back to top of the D. One-nil. Nice one, George. Deserved MoM.

Deploy lightning-fast left winger on the left wing (genius tactics, we thought) to run towards goal line with ball seemingly attached to stick, and provide numerous crosses.

Position mature (or if not possible, just old) bloke somewhere in forward line to provide telling passes, and encourage him to shoot at goal when within two yards. With luck, it will go into the net sometimes. Two-nil.

Have quality, assured, skillful defenders and goalkeeper to minimise opposition goal chances and pass intelligently upfield.

Boss the midfield, and don't fall over too much.

Let the ball do the work, or just give it to Oli.

Simples.

Champions by seven points. Happy days.