Goals, goals and more goals. Our story takes place in the far away land of a little village outside Peterborough. Upon arriving the stand-in captain, Anns, led the team in a fast and intense warm up consisting of a light jog, some stretches and about two minutes of passing.

All of this extreme preparation was ultimately unnecessary as the opposition had clearly forgotten to set their alarm clocks and were still napping when the umpire blew the starting whistle - one-nil in the first couple of minutes, thus ending the suspense of whether it was going to be an even game or not.

The first half continued with only a few happenings worth mentioning: Jimmy using his fast pace in a short corner to score a diving tap in on the back post that seemed just as much of a surprise to him as it did to the poor defender whose legs he tapped the ball through. Can’t remember if that was the second or third goal? Dom, hit with a rogue ‘Expelliarmus’ charm, decided to drop his stick and take up football instead, earning him his first card to the day. Through blind luck, the umpire took pity on him for being ginger and only gave him a green. Asbo (starting to see where he got this nickname now), after serving his time, decided his sentence had been too short and ‘intentionally back-sticked it’ while blocking a pass headed nowhere but off the backline. For this grievous offence he gained a yellow to add to the collection and a very specific “9 minute” suspension. At the end of the first half the score was either three or four–nil; a matter of some debate at the half time talk.

The second half continued on autopilot, much as the first half. More goals and a couple happenings of interest. Rob pressed them so high on the sixteens that their defence pretty much gave up and just started passing right to him. Jimmy, his speed a problem this time, broke too early from a shorty and gave Deeping their best chance of the game, a seven-on-three, which they hit wide. Sev threw in a few cheeky aerials. Jack, true to form, missed another p-flick, making that two in two weeks! Chalky somewhat made up for this later on by scoring, evening out his personal balance, stealing a little deflection off a shot by Rob. And finally, have to put a mention in for George who kept a rare clean sheet and added to his Accidental Tourist position. Final score of six-nil: we added it all up after the game.

Quick shower then to the teas. Chicken and chips. The chicken was decent, far better than what you would get in a Chicken Legend at Maccys but not quite as good as a KFC bucket. A solid 6.5/10. The chips on the other hand could have done with a little longer in the oven, just slightly too floppy. A disappointing 3/10 for the chips resulting in an overall 4.75/10, just a little below average, perfectly summing up the day’s game.