One flick to draw them all, one flick to find them. One flick to bring them all and in the darkness tie them.

And lo Coops, commander of the 2nd batallion, was summoned by King John Grevious (stick tackle). "Two points were stolen from my domain and I task you with their return."

So Coops summoned his second in command, Tom Anns, "His man servant", to recruit his party of brave adventurers. Coops donned the armour of Mann for this quest and gathered the strongest of soldiers. The dwarf, Matt of the Mountain Clan Puddlefoot, Elf Catley from the Forest of Walden, the Merry Man of the Wandlebury, Chalky, Ash the Ent, Jimmy the Half-Ork Berserker and the four brave hobbits Nik, Walshy, Tom and Frodo Baggers. They named themself the Fellowship of the Panton Arms.

Our brave fellowship then set off on their epic journey deep into the heart of Alf'ordor. On their travels they faced many challenges, including Catley's clutch issues with his trusty horse, "Bill", and the million-strong cabbage army of the east.

As we approached Alf'ordor, Catley decided take a shortcut through the mines of Skegoria. However the roads of the far North are not as they seem, winding and confusing our brave soldiers, taking them back on themselves only to return to the same incorrect gate. The words then echoed out, "The way is shut, it is made by those who are skeg and the skeg keep it. The way is shut." After what felt like an eternity riding, our fellowship reached the black gate of Alf'ordor.

The leader Coops kicked down the gate and was dressed in the armor of Mann. The team prepared for a battle against an army more fierce and Northern than ever before. As the battle began so did the torrential rain. Coops uttered, "So it begins, the great battle of our time." Sticks clashed, blood was shed and in the early encounters Anns was felled, but fought/limped on for another sixty-nine minutes.

The fellowship looked to be a stronger army but careless choices allowed the line to be broken by a raiding party; one-nil Alford. This may have been the inspiration the fellowship needed as they fought harder, with more determination, more grit/sand. However, an equaliser would not present itself. The army of Alf'ordor, whilst struggling, still mustered some dangerous attacks, in particular causing great threat with a thunderous strike. Coops, standing his line, struck down his stick, yelled the words, "You shall not pass!" stopping it and ensuring the scoreline stayed unchanged.

The fellowship needed something to help them. Jimmy the berserker was making strong runs, terrifying the opposition; screams were heard, "Bring him down!" However, a goal could not be conjured. The army of Alf'ordor were not prepared for Ash the Ent as he hurled a mighty boulder towards their castle's defenses, shattering the leg of the defender on the line. A flick was given. The army argued amongst themselves, with the men, dwarves and elves arguing over who was best suited. Then a voice was heard amongst the shouting: "I will take it. I will take the flick to Alf'ordor." It was none other than young Frodo Baggers, standing braver than he'd ever been before.

Shouts came from the men, "Destroy it! Toss it into the net!" and young Baggers did exactly that, much to the mighty balrog's displeasure. One-one.

Attacks continued from our fellowship, threatening the goal time and time again. Baggers once again threatened but was dragged down by the whip of the balrog. A goal could not come from it and the battle finished one-all.

Suddenly the skies opened and our saviour arrived. "The eagles are coming," the warriors shouted. However the fellowship had only drawn and were not worthy of transport home on such fine specimens. So they had to settle for their trusty steeds.

Our fellowship returned home having not destroyed Alf'ordor, however weakening them and leaving the army behind their black gate.

Hopefully another army will have better luck with the war, maybe the same army will on a later date, but we may have to wait for at least two more films for that.

Written by:

Tom Blair
(Honorable mention to Jack of House Chalk)