A Trip to Lincolnshire – A Play in Two Acts

Thursday 9th December about 7pm, a phone rings

“Hello Benjamin”

“Hi, mum”

“My bridge match has been cancelled for Saturday and I thought we could spend the day together”

“That would be lovely, but I’m out all day in Long Sutton”

“That’s great – I’ve always wanted to see the country’s largest timber spire or the Princes food factory, which is the largest food production site in the UK”

“I’ll see what I can arrange – pick you up at 12

Saturday 11th December about 4.30pm, on the A1101

“Well, that was jolly, thanks Benjamin. Lovely facilities and a very clean toilet. The young girl on Reception wouldn’t stop talking about Pash, Matt and Jimmy, they must have made quite an impression. Shame it was dark by the time we drove past the spire – ah, well, next time”

“I’m not sure they’ll be a next time, Mum….”

“Well, I did enjoy the game, they were rather good, weren’t they?”

“Yes, Mum, too good for this league”

“Especially the way they pivoted around the player who dropped behind the front two – I guess you would call him a False 9 if it was football?”

“Yes, Mum”

“But you did well in the second half, didn’t you, much more solid than the first – I don’t think your team-mates were cross with you letting in three in the first half though”

“They scored three exceptional goals, I didn’t have much chance Mum”

“Nor with the way that young man John finished the fourth goal in the second half – what a lovely deflection into the roof of the net – I hope that lovely Joe was taking note?”

“I’m sure he did, but there was a slight issue, Mum, it was the wrong goal”

“Oh, never mind – and that Andy did so well to clear the ball before it went into the empty net, it could have been 5-0”

“Slight issue, Mum, it was the wrong goal”

“Oh, never mind. But it was really nice of the man in the yellow to give John a rest, he did look tired, why was that?”

“Well, he questioned a decision and the man in the yellow didn’t like it.”

“But moments later the home player was very rude to him and questioned a decision, why wasn’t he given a rest too?”

“We’ll never know, Mum……..”

“And the rest of their team seemed all rather angry, why was that, considering they were winning the match and are likely to win the league easily?”

“I think it’s something to do with Brexit, Mum”

“That makes sense……. I thought Martin played brilliantly, but he looked a little forlorn, why was that?”

“Along with the rest of us, he was missing his son”

“Are we nearly home yet”

“Nearly there, Mum, nearly there…..”

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75
Martin Grove
Player of the Match

Having a very good game against a very good forward

John Gourd
Lemon of the Match

Scoring an own goal and a green card for 'telling the umpire how to do their job'