While I admired the bewitching yet breezy weather from my bedroom window, I knew there was no doubt it was a great day for Cambridge derby.

As I set foot on the our rivals hallowed AstroTurf, sipping on a Redbull hoping the paracetamol would soon kick in and the post wine headache would drift away I noticed something was missing... no not the balls needed for a warm up but our captain, our leader, our commander: Superior Shin. There was rumours he had also indulged on the devils nectar the night before a game, so I knew I was off the hook.

Forgive me but I am going to skip forward. It was sluggish, below par and uneventful. No I’m not quoting my better half on an evening, I’m talking about how bad we started the game. It’s immature and below the belt to joke about my sex life so I will continue with the match report. Talking about my lack of maturity, this was soon made even more evident. The umpire was half way through his lecture to the teams and I wrongfully interrupted him by gesturing at my imaginary watch. He rightfully showed me a green followed by a swift yellow after I sarcastically agreed with his decision. While I sat in the dug out and pondered on my substandard behaviour South fought on a man down.

It wasn’t too long after, and I will quote him for this, Walsh “scored another worldie again”. Others would see it as just a goal but who are we to take away his childlike imagination? Shin followed after bagging himself another goal, well done that man. Tom Blair also managed to get get himself on the score sheet. It was beautiful to see the spring in his step as he jogged back to the half way line, glanced over to his family on the sidelines with eyes that just screamed “look Mummy, I did a goal, be proud of me”.

With the confidence that we now secured the all important three points we came for, we started playing our dominant and well drilled hockey. We played the ball around well and ran the the city team in circles. At this point we thought what could go wrong? Well Josh decided he wanted to be part of the match report so needed to create an event we would remember. Like a true hero he put his body (well a small part of it) on the line and took a ball to the thumb. Well done Josh we admire your bravery, thumbs up to you mate

Now I have thought long and hard about whether to include my goals as I don’t want it to come across as bragging but I also managed to get two of my own. Unlike some people I don’t want to make a bigger deal about it than it is. It’s not like they were struck so well, clean, technically correct and powerful that the keeper feared that if he was to get in the way it would surely end his season prematurely.

All in all we played about a 7/10 and still won comfortably. If you are reading this match report and are thinking, “wow this is boring where are George’s witty jokes?” It means all the fun stuff was edited out and for that I can not be at fault. Anyway enjoy your evenings and remember ‘a sockless man is never to be trusted’ (Klein J. 2016. You’ll Grow Out Of It)