When travelling to a hockey match it is always important to ensure that you have the appropriate kit. A hockey stick is probably the most important piece of equipment shortly followed by shin pads and gum shield. 

It was a miserable Saturday morning and having to leave the house at 8.15am didn’t help. A morning drive to Spalding (just past the back of beyond) for an 11.00am pushback. Arriving on time to a carpark with some questionable fellows, “Community Payback” high vis jackets on their back sweeping up leaves – I wonder what they had done? I decided it was probably best to not ask! 

We met up in the clubhouse AKA Tonic 44 Community Hub. Checking my kit bag it dawned upon me that my shinpads were not there. What to do? After checking with my fellow teammates, immediately I was favourite for winning the lemon – no one had any spares, why would they. Too far to drive home (way too far), I set about finding some suitable alternatives. 

Atop a cupboard were several copies of ‘My Weekly’, I was particularly taken by No 5467, Mar26 – Apr 2, 2019. On the front a picture of Bev Callard, “The Best Is Yet To Come” – perhaps an omen for the game? Who is Bev Callard I hear you ask. Well, for avid readers of ‘My Weekly’ you would already know that she is a Coronation Street favourite. Thrilled to be juggling three fantastic acting roles at the age of 61… “It’s fabulous – like the Christmas Day episodes of every soap rolled into one!”  

What a read 

Want to know John Barrowman? Well he feels like my best mate now, all for only £1.30, what value. 

I’m also tempted by the Pure Comfort stretch fit slippers, only £19.99 (RRP £29.99) 

What a joyous publication I had stumbled across. 

I dragged myself away from the journal and shoved a couple of copies into one sock and a “Take a Break’s” Wordsearch selection into the other – what could possibly go wrong? 

We paused for a minute’s silence before the game as it was Remembrance day, Lest we forget. 

Sorry, the game. Joe joined us in goal (thanks Joe). It must have been one of the most boring games ever for Joe. He asked afterwards whether he needed to pay match fees for fetching one of two loose balls from the end of the pitch (I think he did). We won 9-0. But anyway, enough about that. 

You may be thinking - what an idiot I was, but no. Those who laugh last, laugh longest. Barely troubled at the back – could my fellow CB Martin read his shin pads – no he could not! 

I could see through my yellow socks the red strapline of “Just £16.99”. 

How appropriate – Spalding, the heart of Potato growing country. Could you believe that you can (well could in 2019) buy a Complete Patio Potato Kit for £16.99 – I couldn’t believe my eyes! What a steal. No Digging!, No Effort!, No Garden Required! Harvest in JUST 10 WEEKS From Planting! (Save £13). AS SEEN ON TV. I’m keeping this find in my stick bag. 

We had Baked Potatoes for teas, of course.