Match report

I have never actually read a match report, nor do i have a good memory of what happens in the game.

The fortress beckoned for a calming 1:30 push back at the stadio de olympico (long road). Everyone turned up early. Vibes were a strong 7 out of 10, oscar was drinking his weird Spanish energy drink again - kinda puts me off and idk why. Pre match rituals were performed, most of which cant be talked about on a match report (or in-front of a police officer).

Also sam had some weird chat when he dropped a magnet on the floor from his tactics whiteboard, then said “ooh not that far!! XDXDXD”. 

1:30 pm GMT-
Match begins. A heated lineup consisting of the finest players from Cambridgeshire, started with a flurry. High pressing hockey from the ives players was met with ruthless counter attacks. 

Minute 10- st ives have a break, madness, they whip it down the right wing and try to pip it past the keeper (me). Nuh uh. A spectacular diving save into the top left corner drowns out the preeminent celebrations from the ives players, god that boy can keep.

Sam starts to chat back to the referee and edges everyone into thinking hes going to get carded. Umps does a cool job and warns the man. Mega #eatyourgreens.

Minute 20- short corner to the south.
The moment weve all been waiting for, weve practiced these over and over. Unfortunately their keeper saved it (nuff said).

At this point Ed also skinned 2 players, who knew he could do that eh?? I thought his talents were reserved for arial picks and fining people.

(My memory is starting to get blurry right now so some of the coming events may have some creativity involved)

Minute 30- it’s getting weird that all the main events of the game keep happening in precise ten minute intervals but thats how the cookie crumbles.

We get another short corner which we batter at the keeper again, and he lies down and saves it. It’s kinda op, not fair, stop doing that.

At this point the hockey is looking rather dominant, defensively ives have struggled to  bypass much, i don’t wanna leak too much about our strats so ill just say they didn’t have the proverbial x factor required in the final third.

—HT 0-0 

Wow what a half of hockey that has been, nuts, end to end shiz. All in all youd have to say that south have looked better but there has been a fair share of ives shots, albeit non troubling.

The game resumes

50 -

Nik does something to do with not diving for a ball, he got lom for it. To be honest don’t actually know at what point it happened since it’s quite a long way from the goal.

There is no “I” in “team”. There is also no “team” in “nik”. However if you reverse Nik, it is kin… interesting…

But realistically you can only blame one person for the brief lack of team mental fortitude, mr capitan, not motivational enough? Deserves lom more imo.

Minute 60…

Another short corner has arisen for the south… its injected… its trapped… its fumbled into the box… it takes 5 deflections… it goes in … vamos. La Tortuga strikes again sewey. 

Is there anything this man cant do? Unbeknownst to whoever is reading this, he’s actually been having quite a good game up to this point, defensively. Solid as the rock.

70 min. The ives players are now playing a bit higher up the pitch. Pundits are asking if this is wise? At this point you’ve got to ask yourself where was paul pogba in all of this??

The ives players turn play over high up the pitch and break toward the goal. They play into the D and a reverse shot is hit goal wards……….

Saved. Max clutched up when they needed him. Love that man.

Full time.
Wooooo wooop. Cambridge south win 1-0 against st ives and take home all the spoils. Lets get this bread. Allowing everyone to have christmas in a winning mood.

Mom: oscar - good hair, good defence, good goal.

Lom: nik - the badge means nothing to him.