Who needs a detailed match report when you have a pre-derby match ‘honey roast’ ready to go for your favorite squad?!

Picture the scene. A stunning day at Long Road. The girls gathered in the changing room, ready to start blasting some positive music for good vibes. Training recently has featured forfeits requiring renditions of Dancing Queen and Lose Yourself. Sadly, the lack of 4g meant these bangers were not available, and instead, Tess resorted to her downloads. ‘Eat my Goal’, and ‘Three Lions’ it was.

No formation speech was required, 95% through the season and coach Tim had discovered an app that did it all. So instead, an ode from a captain to her excellent players (with the odd top tip for the match thrown in). Here we go:

Annabel! – First season in the 3s and smashing it every week. Keep up that constant composure!

Katie – no-fear-Hunter Walker, keep closing down those shorts and please mark Jess F out of the game. (Side note reader, K delivered here on all fronts – including some spectacular short corner clearance home runs that cleared the LR fence).

Luisa C- 100% positivity 100% of the time – banging out tackles and always getting us out of trouble.

Ginny: Big energy, big calls, big clearances – enough said. (Also prophetic, some of the switching in this game was stunning).

Indi: She tackles, she jabs, she v-drags – always so skillful all over the middle of the pitch. More of this today!

Jess K – Screening, distributing, keeping us in line – run.the.show.

Erin – Doctor on and off the pitch, fingers crossed today all she treats is bruised L2s egos ohhhh. (Big love to any L2s reading this - not personal huns xx)

Connie – C by name, C by nature. Cool, calm, collected, and cracking all over the pitch.

Lu Bed  - Hello Goals! Taking midfield by storm in the 2023/24 season – let’s get some more stats on her board today.

Hannah M : Is it a sturdy bird? Is it a plane? No! It’s Hannah Muncy clearing her D and shouting ‘not today gals’. Let’s knock up that volume even higher today. (Another sidenote, Han really delivered here – particularly when cheering for her own excellent moments).

Daisy - #1 attendance stats , #1 supporter in Dad – too cool for us but putting up with us anyway. Keep being the fastest player up that wing honey.

Beth – Beautiful inside and out – excited to see some beautiful goals out of you very soon!

Selene – Always there to save the day, and we’ll celebrate her saves today as much as we did her birthday at the last derby.

Special mentions: Lydia – phenomenal sideline support. The flick save queen is a ray of sideline sunshine even when she’s injured.

POM – Katie Hunter: previously mentioned incredible defending

LOM – Hannah M for various shenanigans subbing and stripping. Suffice to say the girls felt no one was really LOM worthy today. A really gorgeous team effort. Well done gang.