There was a sombre air surrounding the boys prior to the match on Saturday. Out of action toilets at Long Road, poor choices of warm up sec and intel of a rowdy opposition created a palpable unsettledness in the changing room. Spirits were, however, quickly lifted by a rogue appearance of ABBA in the pre-match playlist.

With this newfound invigoration, the boys started the game strongly, quickly suffocating the opposition’s outlet for large periods of the opening proceedings. An early flurry of goals (3 goals in 3 minutes) from Humby and Connor (2x) gave South a slight feeling of comfort within the first 20 minutes. Of note, there have been some not so justified accusations of Connor stealing a goal from HL7. However, I have a feeling karma is still yet to truly strike…

5 minutes shy of half-time, Havering retaliated with a short corner routine which just snuck into the bottom left of the goal, whiskers away from a stick save from Stan. The second half saw South extend their lead, first with Humby getting his second of the game, and then followed with an outrageous reverse from Connor to complete his hattrick. Final result: 5-1 win.

The M1’s next game is arguably their biggest game so far of the season, with a top of the table clash against Old Loughtonians. With such an important game on the horizon, it is always important for us ‘athletes’ to consider our nutrition, so, in this match report we will predict what we think the boys’ meal deal would be.

 

HL7

Drink – Prime Lemon and Lime

Sandwich – Prawn Mayo

Snack – McCoy’s Flame Grilled Steak Crisps

At the start of the season, HL7 was like Prime when it first hit the shelves—fuelled by hype, full of promise, and scoring goals like they were going out of style. Every match felt like a commercial—fast, refreshing, and everyone wanted a taste.  But then, as the weeks have gone by, something has changed, and goals have seemed to dry up faster than Prime’s post-launch sales now the drink’s novelty has worn off. Harry also just seems like the kind of guy to default for a prawn mayo.

 

Humby-Smith

Drink – Blue Raspberry Slushie

Sandwich – Cheese and Pickle Sandwich [Ed - psst, Ben, Jack is vegan...]

Snack – Anything that isn’t an apple [... but is vegan]

Although maybe not a classic meal deal drink, we cannot deny this man’s love for ice. Chemically speaking, Slushie is in fact the 21^st type of ice discovered (Humby-Smith , 2022). This season has seen Humby called on for his medical expertise on multiple occasions, so as the team’s resident doctor, it’s understandable that he would stay away from an apple.

 

Connor

Drink – Lucozade Raspberry

Sandwich – The Chicken Triple

Snack – Soreen Loaf Snack Bar

Connor and Lucozade give of the same energy, it’s the kind of drink that says, ‘I’ve just run the entire length of the pitch and made the goalie question their life choices”. You can’t score three goals without something to back it up. A single sandwich won’t do—Connor needs a triple chicken to match his performance. One goal’s cool, two goals is impressive, but a hat-trick? That deserves a full-on triple-decker. Three sandwiches of chicken, one for each goal.

 

Me

Drink – Innocent Smoothie Invigorate

Sandwich – Sainsbury’s Brie, Bacon and Chilli Chutney

Snack – Walker’s Sensation Thai Sweet Chilli crisps

No chat, just the truth.

 

Pearson

Drink - Milk

Sandwich –British Ham and Cheese

Snack – Organic Carrot Sticks

In a world where rising farm inheritance taxes are putting pressure on his fellow farmer, Pearson knows it’s more important than ever to buy British—and this meal deal has got him covered. British ham and cheese and organically grown carrot sticks act as a stomach filling, nutritionally balanced rebellion against all that imported nonsense.

 

Sam

Drink – A Soft Drink (specifically on Friday evenings)

Sandwich – Southern Fried Chicken Wrap

Snack – Apple

As a teacher, I can deeply sympathise that Sam may have a very busy lunchtimes, often taken up by clubs and duties, student interruptions, and last-minute printing (Yes Mark, teachers do in fact have a lot of printing). Therefore, Sam doesn’t have the time to finish a full sandwich. A wrap, however, offers a quicker and easier meal to ensure Sam is well-fuelled to tackle his rowdy sixth formers.

 

Will

Drink – Rattler Cider

Sandwich - BLT

Snack – Banana

Another questionable meal deal drink but I’m sure most will agree with the selection, nonetheless. A snakey beverage for a snakey man. Even with that being true, one must also admit, who doesn’t like a BLT? A central pillar to the team and a staple go to choice for many.

 

Mark

Drink – Water

Sandwich – Chicken, Mozzarella and Pesto

Snack – Jaffa Cakes

At this point in his life, Mark has embraced the wisdom that only age can bring—mainly that water is, in fact, the most thrilling beverage on the planet. While the young lads are out there chugging energy drinks and chasing down sugar-filled fizzy drinks, Mark knows better. He's seen the hype, the crashes, the jittery handshakes of over-caffeinated youths, and these days, he can just sit, calmly sipping his water like it’s the elixir of life. His drink of choice is clear, clean, and always available—just like his retirement plan. Despite this, Mark may still be tempted by a sweat treat from time to time in the form of a Jaffa Cake. On the outside, a Jaffa cake may seem to be all biscuit, giving off a firm, no-nonsense vibe. But once you get to bite into it, you hit that sweet orange filling that is always there at heart.

 

Harrison

Drink – Fanta Orange

Sandwich – Yo! Sushi Salmon Rainbow Poke

Snack – Wall’s Sausage Roll

Harrison is somewhat of an illusive character amongst the squad members. A rational explanation for this could be that he indulges himself in the luxuries in life. Whilst many may opt to go for the £3.60 standard meal deal, Harrison takes life by the scruff of the neck and enjoys every second. No need for soggy sandwiches, Harrison gets his value for money with the premium £5 meal deal to properly fuel him for the day.

 

Ed

Drink – Diet Coke

Sandwich - Coronation Chicken

Snack – Pork Pies

 

Ed’s meal deal of choice says it all. To the untrained eye, Coronation chicken is just a mildly fancy sandwich filling—chicken, curry mayo, maybe a little dried fruit thrown in for flair. But to Ed? It’s a declaration. The man’s secretly a devout monarchist. Sure, he’ll tell you he’s just enjoying a classic British combo, but deep down, he knows exactly what he’s doing. This is the regal stuff, the kind of sandwich you’d imagine eating in a Buckingham Palace dining room, not a Tesco café. Every bite is a quiet nod to the crown, a taste of tradition, as if by eating it, he’s somehow helping secure the future of the monarchy.

Stanley

Drink – Honey and Lemon

Sandwich – Chicken and Chorizo

Snack – Walker’s Sensations Thai Sweet Chilli

Stan made it clear how bored he was after Saturday’s game, complaining after the match that he didn’t touch the ball in the second half!  On occasions like these, when the hockey doesn’t do it for him, Stan has to look elsewhere for some excitement. His sandwich and crisp combo provides him with an excitingly hot and flavourful sensation to perk him up after such uneventful afternoons. After long days of shouting from the back, Stan has been known to be partial to a honey and lemon to sooth his throat as well.

 

Ozzy

Drink – Lemonade

Sandwich - Sainsbury's Hot Smoked Salmon & Lemon Sandwich

Snack – Lemon

After many years of trying, and some close calls over the years, this match saw Ozzy lose his Lemon Virginity after a tight 4-way tie in voting. Ozzy has been looking forward to this moment for many years now and has been reflected in his meal deal choices.

 

Scott

Drink – Chamomile and Honey Tea

Sandwich – Tuna and Sweetcorn

Snack – Frozen Peas

It is fair to say that Scott has been in the thick of it so far this season. After getting into a stick related altercation during the Waltham game, Scott has made a concerted effort to remain cool in the following matches. To calm himself in recent games, Scott now has a soothing chamomile tea with lunch to settle the adrenaline.

 

Clement

Drink – Monster

Sandwich – Steak Frites

Snack – N/A

 

Coming to the UK has been an exciting step in Clément’s life, and a part of this transition, the Belgian has had to come accustomed to some of the British intricacies in life There is arguably nothing more quintessentially British than the ‘Meal Deal’. Despite his best efforts however, Clément just can’t hack the bland, soggy, and ever-dearer sandwich and crisp combo. For this reason, he has defaulted back to Steak Frites —because nothing says home like crispy fries and a perfectly cooked steak, even if it means going a bit off-piste. As one of younger players in the team, Clément is still of the age where he thinks drinking Monster energy is cool. Unfortunately, he has been victim to the strict UK rules of being IDed for the beverage, often leaving the Belgian thinking “What’s next? ID for a bottle of water?”

 

Tim

Drink -    UFIT Strawberry Milkshake

Sandwich -Bacon and Egg Tripple

Snack – Boiled Eggs

Tim has been out for most of the season so far but has recently returned in fine form, with 2 strong performances for the 1s so far and a controversially disallowed goal in last week’s game. What is Tim’s secret for his dream return? A protein rich meal deal to ensure optimum growth and repair… spoken like a true biology teacher.