Thanks Josh for being a super spectator and writing the match report <3

"Bourne Deeping started strong, converting an early short corner with a powerful shot past the keeper. The second goal, also from a short corner, was a bit of a messy affair – a reversed shot somehow finding its way through a crowd of players. A shaky start for South, 2-0 down already.

Standing here in the chilly air, the distinct aroma of manure hangs heavy. From now on, I'll affectionately refer to the BD side as "Farmyard." As if to emphasise the point, Farmyard's striker just bagged a hat-trick, making it 3-0. Well played, I suppose, but that smell... seriously.

Hold on! South pull one back! A brilliant counter-attack, featuring a phenomenal run down the wing by Avi, set up Naomi for a stunning first-touch finish. Game on? Maybe not...

It's 4-1. I was still busy raving about Avi's run and missed the goal. I'm guessing it wasn't much to write home about.

As we move into the latter part of the first half, South are showing signs of life. They're starting to create chances, but Farmyard's defense is proving tough to break down. Glimmers of excellence are there for South, but they need to string them together if they want to get back into this.

Farmyard execute a textbook attack down the left, finishing with a clinical ball to the back post. Lovely stuff, and a reminder of why they're top of the league. It felt a bit against the run of play though, as South were starting to find their rhythm. Still, the scoreboard tells the story: Farmyard 5 - 1 South.

And now, some individual brilliance from Farmyard makes it 6-1.

 Short corner after short corner after short corner after short corner after...South score a goal! They're still working hard and giving it their all. 

Some more short corners for Farmyard keep increasing their scoreline. I think we're at about 8-2 now.

Shall we just call it a day? This reminds me of my secondary school teacher, Mr. Beckett, who crushed my dreams of becoming a pirate, calling it "silly" and "unrealistic." Similarly, I don't think South are coming back from this. Congratulations to Farmyard. I hope they get promoted, purely so I don't have to endure the aroma next year. Cheers, Josh."