Well, our trip to Havering was an interesting one… perhaps the less said, the better.
While taking a comfortable 3 points against these lads at home, we had noticed that they struggle on the road, but they are a different beast at home!

As it happens, they had a decent 13, not sure who their coaches were because it wasn’t on GMS before the game, but they gave us a good fight. A spectacular goal from Lindars weaving through the opposition (when he should have passed) opened up the scoring and allowed the team to play with a bit more freedom. It was still tricky to put the sword to Havering, two of their players were particularly good at breaking down play and stopping us in our tracks.

Teas were right up there! I’m hoping that fried chicken delivers to Cambridge!

On to Categories… I’m looking to be nostalgic and will be likening each member to a 1st Gen Pokemon (all the other Generations are rubbish so won’t be featured). Let’s get our nerd on!

Stanley – Parasect

I think Stanley will be happy with this one, because it's not your ‘go-to’ Pokemon, in fact most people will forget Parasect exists, so it’s right in Stanley’s edgy wheelhouse. Quite docile in nature. Described on the pokedex as preferring damp places so could easily be found in Stan’s goalkeeping kit. Parasect’s mushroom covered body could also be likened to Stan’s beanie worn this weekend N.B. Not an insult on the beanie knitted by his mum – we all love the beanie – Team Beanies?

Nik – Machop

Nik will also be happy with this, annoyingly. Like Nik, machop is short in stature, weighs about 20kg but packs a punch. Nik looks like an easy target on the pitch but if you get too close, you get knocked down! Big man from Havering learnt that the hard way this weekend, resulting in a justified green for Nik

Ed – Jynx

At first this may seem like a surprising pick for Ed, but allow me to sway your opinion. Jynx is an Ice/Psychic pokemon, two qualities that can be quickly likened to Ed’s playing style, in his ice cold composure on the ball and his almost psychic ability to know what any player may do next. Then after reading Jynx’s wiki entry I learnt that when walking Jynx’s ‘hips sway in an alluring fashion’… and has ‘luscious lips’. Safe to say we all agree Ed must be Jynx!

Mark – Kangaskhan

Kangaskhan looks after its young in a pouch on it’s belly, anyone in the squad knows we all emotionally live in Mark’s metaphorical pouch. Mark is harsh but fair with us and consoles us when we need it. Kangaskhan also has a big arse!

Sam – Farfetch’d

Always tricky to categorise yourself, but when scrolling through the list of Pokémon I noticed this guy holding a leek. Given my love of veg and a previous CSHC profile picture being myself with celery taped to my head in the fashion of a crown, I have to go with Farfetch’d.

Will – Ekans

We all saw this coming… The only positive thing to say about this Pokémon is it’s purple and yellow (the best colours). I’d rather Will didn’t wear these colours because the guy is an absolute snake! Ekans special move is ‘glare’, which is practically all Will does during training and matches. Poisonous Pokémon for a poisonous bloke.

Schu – Jigglypuff

Exact opposite of the last entry. Schu might be small like Jigglypuff, but dare I say it… he may be even more lovely than Jigglypuff. One of Jigglypuff’s abilities is ‘cute charm’, ever heard anything to more appropriately describe Schu? Well it's second ability listed on Wiki is ‘competitive’, having recently beaten him at Codenames, I can tell you this may be the best match of the bunch.

Lindars –  Ditto

I can’t tell you how much this kid is trying to emulate me, copies everything I do. Recently I went to the pub, of course Ben turns up in the same red top I’m wearing! Sits next to me, and some bloke thinks he’s my twin. Ben did the same degree as me, copied me in becoming a teacher, followed me to CSHC, the list goes on. Hidden ability – ‘imposter’. Ditto’s behaviour is to transform into anything it sees, and it appears that’s exactly what Ben is trying to do. His hockey ability will get there.

Connor – Rapidash

A majestic beast. When Connor gallops down the wing I would swear he leaves embers on the astroturf. Apparently, they are rare to find, and we can all agree, Connor is a rare find. Enough kiss-arsing though… one special ability listed for Rapidash is ‘Run away’ – an ability commonly witnessed when asking Connor if he wants to come to the pub.

Tim – Haunter

The creepiest Pokemon for the creepiest bloke. If you look at a picture of Haunter and Tim side by side they have an eerie resemblance. Haunter’s hair juts out at the side, if you look at Tim’s it does too, this surely isn’t an intentional choice from Tim? Tim does have some useful qualities though. Haunter is described as sneaking up on unwary victims before striking, unfortunately for the defenders in our league that’s what Tim has been doing of late, biding his time and then making sublime strikes. This weekend's finish was much the same.

Jacko – Mew

The most ancient of all Pokemon, yes, Jacko is the oldest in the team. Sorry, cheap shot! While he may be ancient, Jacko is powerful like his Pokemon counterpart, recently coming back into the team and bagging goals!

Pearson – Rhyhorn

It was so difficult to see past Rhyhorn, the guy is a bulldozer! Rhyhorn literally has rock for skin, Pearson appears to be the same when you watch a ball get smashed against his shin (no shin pads) and he doesn’t even flinch. Wiki says Rhyhorn likes to charge at things, which is practically what the opposition full back experiences for 70 minutes. Rhyhorn also has a really long horn.

Scott – Alakazam

 A somewhat gangly being that performs magic in the arena; am I talking about Alakazam or Scott on a hockey pitch? Scott walked on to the pitch Saturday describing how he performs best when chilled out. Alakazam seems very relaxed, yet mesmerising.

Humby – Seel

Just loves ice and is really hungry, all the time.

Oz – Geodude

Mainly picked geodude for Oz for the similar trim and Geodude has no legs, much like Oz at the moment.

Unfortunately ‘this pokemon has fainted’.

Pudds – Voltorb

Like Oz, lacking legs at the moment, but when able can provide a serious shock on the pitch!

Unfortunately this pokemon has fainted

Bonus comparisons.

Matteo – Dratini

Elusive, friendly and youthful, but will evolve into something unstoppable.

Chalk – Slowpoke

Cheap shot again, but Chalky is just so slow!

Bailey – Slowbro

Also really slow, but a bit stronger!

Harrison – Unown

It’s in the name (not Gen 1)

Harry Lewis – Tauros

Similar reasons to Pearson, hard to stop when he gets going, with powerful hits this year!