Match Report: Spalding Men’s 2’s 2 - 1 Cambridge South Men’s 4’s

by Monsieur Loy – Uncarded but Unrepentant

On a day when the only thing chillier than the wind was Spalding’s finishing luck, Cambridge South Men’s 4’s put in a shift so heroic it deserved better than a 2-1 defeat. But alas, hockey is a cruel mistress, and despite our valiant second-half rally, the scoreline remained stubbornly in Spalding’s favour.  

The first half was, to put it diplomatically, a learning experience. Spalding, armed with the confidence of a team that had clearly eaten their Weetabix, slotted two goals past us in bobbly fashion while we were still debating whether the pitch markings were in metric or imperial. (Author’s note: I maintain this is a valid debate, though the umpire’s patience was, frankly, subpar.)  

But oh, the second half! A transformation worthy of a Netflix sports documentary. South emerged with fire in their bellies and structure in their play. Jude, Jamie, and Seb were the spine of the team—solid, unyielding, and occasionally dramatic. Speaking of drama, Ash deserves a special mention for his Oscar-worthy performance, convincing the umpire that an opponent’s challenge was more *Hollywood stunt* than *hockey tackle*. The resulting green card was the only one of the game, and frankly, we’ll take what we can get.  

As the clock ticked down, hope flickered. A slick move, a scramble in the D, and **BAM**—the ball was in the back of Spalding’s net via Ash’s deflection! Cue wild celebrations and the vague sense that a comeback was afoot. Alas, it was not to be. The final whistle blew, leaving us with a 2-1 defeat but plenty of pride.  

Special shout-out to our defence for being as resolute as a particularly stubborn doorstop, and to our midfield for running themselves into the ground. And me? Well, I *almost* got carded for excessive shoulder and semantic pedantry—so really, it was a personal victory.  

Onward and upward, South. Next time, we’ll bring a tape measure *and* a goalscorer’s touch.