Advice from Fagin

Anyone else had three hours in a car with Nev on a Saturday? No? Well, it’s about time you all get to share the full experience…

Let’s say that I employed my best listening skills. I also surprised myself by realising that I could multitask – as I dreamt up a match report whilst nodding along to his tales of derring-do…

You see, yours truly was the obvious lemon of the day. There was a unanimous vote – if it had not been such a landslide, then perhaps Seb and the M3s might have had words. The reason – ‘pilfering’ three M3 masks from the shed at the start of the day…

As my ears glazed over, I heard a hint of Fagin in Nev’s voice – perhaps I was searching for some justification for my fingersmithing…

You see, Oliver / Pipes, when the M4 bag is bare, and the match is near…

Why should we have to use,
Old rubbish masks, worn and bruised?
Better grab one from the M3s crew,
Better to pick-a-mask or three – it’s true!

You’ve got to pick-a-mask or three, boys,
You’ve got to pick-a-mask or three!

Seb won’t mind, he’s got a spare,
Pipes will sneak it out with flair!
No need to ask, just smash and grab,
You’ve got to pick-a-mask or three!

We’ve a match to play, no time to stew,
We had to pick-a-mask or three!

As we drove back into Trumpington, I glanced over to see Nev snoozing gently – tired out from his performance on the hockey pitch – or was it perhaps his Oliver!-inspired performance?

As for the match itself, the M4s were buoyed by the return of skipper James Ma who was his marauding best in the midfield, ably supported by Will R and Matt L. Daniel G roared (literally) in attack alongside the indomitable Nev and our very own Cerne Large Hadron Collider who, unfortunately, was unable to accelerate away from his skipper’s stinger into his back…

The defence played with considerable freedom, with Andy M (Player of the Match), Max K, Will B, Pipes and Arthur J transferring the ball with pace and skill, and all ably marshalled by the vocal Joe L in goal. Justin L and James Mo found space on the flanks and were a constant threat.

Unfortunately, the six masks that we possessed (yes, James Ma brought the M4 masks which meant that the three I nicked were completely unnecessary) were not enough to stop Spalding scoring a soft penalty corner on the stroke of half time. Sadly, their only other shot just trickled millimetres over the line to put the opposition 2-0 up. Despite the majority of the possession and lots of attacking threat, we weren’t able to register a goal ourselves.

Lots to commend from this performance – and we should be confident ahead of our next match – at home against Cambridge City 6ths.

Two footnotes: i) we all send our best wishes to the Spalding player who required urgent paramedic support straight after the match and ii) I did own my thievery to Seb – the masks have been returned (fortunately, none of the M3 pretty boy faces were blemished in their match against the Uni).