This weekend saw a legendary London derby between two teams in the top 5 of the premier league table, the mighty Chelsea and some low lives from North London, face off against each other. However, a legendary (in its own right) Cambridgeshire derby took place on the sandy pitch of St Mary’s sports ground on Saturday. A red army from Peterborough, hereon referred to as “the gunners” faced off against the purple people eaters, who will for the purpose of the theme of this article be now referred to as “the blues” (coz purple minus red equals blue innit). This gunners side came into the game sat higher up the league table than the blues and were hoping that that might count for something going into the game. However, the blues weren’t about to show any respect for these hooligans in red and were up for the task. Their recent run of form had seen them climb out of the bottom of the table a really begin to frighten some teams higher up.

As is always a blessing when playing on the St Mary’s beach, the blues were blessed with a long warmup. It just so happens however that preparation time is more of a curse than a blessing for the blues as they came out lethargic and unfocussed. This translated immediately to the game and resulted in the gunners scoring 2 goals in the first 5 minutes of the game. The goals were scored by the same player, who on this day seemed to channel the spirit of Denis Bergkamp, and within 1 minute of each other. The blues couldn’t have had a worse start to the game.

Down early, the blues were forced to wake up quickly and try and regain control of the game. Some more consistent passages of play, displaying the crisp passing and fast movement off the ball we are often accustomed to from the blues, saw a sense of order restored. Midway through the first half, Josh R, whilst wreaking havoc for the gunners in the forward line, got on the end of a wayward strike, inspiring the beginning of a comeback for the blues. With Josh R leading from the front, the rest of the blues team began to believe once more and mounted wave upon wave of pressure. The gunners struggled mightily to withstand this and a mistake in their backline saw a late first half short corner awarded to the blues. Sources are somewhat hazy about what happened in this short corner and the phrase “seeing is believing” often came up however this author will nevertheless try and explain. Still bitter about Jamie C blocking his shot TWO WEEKS AGO, defensive stalwart Tom A stepped up to take a strike at goal. Summoning all the strength of the seven seas, he swung viciously at the ball and stuck it a whole 30cm in front of him. This impressive feat saw the entire gunners defence stunned and frozen still. In the time it took them to regain their senses, Tom A decided to have a second, considerably less powerful, shot at goal which nestled into the bottom corner. 

Just like that the first half was over, and the blues had managed to recover their 2-goal deficit. The half time talk was overwhelmingly positive. It turns out coach Sam was conveniently five minutes late to the game and so from his perspective, the blues had played outstandingly well and built up a 2-0 lead. Once the confusion was cleared up, the blues took to the field with coach Sam’s words of immense positivity running through their brains. They began the second half right as they left off, piling on the pressure. Unfortunately, there are no witnesses to the blue’s third goal, but one can infer from this that it was likely incredibly average. As for the fourth goal, James M, hockey’s most prolific goal scorer from set pieces, once more got his name on the scoresheet by tapping home Shin K’s strike off a short corner. With the blues firmly in the driver’s seat and the gunners’ early confidence completely extinguished, the game ended 4-2 to the blues. Unfortunately for the west London blues, their score this weekend was not as impressive as that of the South Cambridge blues. Perhaps the west Londoners can learn a thing or two from their northern brothers on how to properly see off group of “geezers” in red.

Man of the Match went almost unanimously to Josh R for his inspired performance upfront, fuelling the blues’ fire and leading them to their comeback victory. Sources say that this was Josh R’s first ever MoM award. This author cannot think of a better way for Josh R to announce himself to the entire club as the extraordinary player that he is. We all look forward to seeing this Didier Drogba esc player continue his body of work in the future.

Other special mentions have to go to Jamie C for his performance up front as well. He was very unfortunate not to score in this game as his effort and drive were relentless and he had a couple of agonisingly close attempts. This week his name may not appear on the stat sheet, but his impact will be remembered forever in this report. Another mention goes to James M. Rather like the legendary Frank Lampard, James M rules the midfield with an iron fist and controls the game immaculately with immense precision. Rather like Lampard, a set piece master as well, James M can always be relied upon to score goals in crucial moments. 

This report has been slightly biased towards the front line and this author would like to recognise every player on the pitch for their hard work and strong performances, however the bias will continue for this last mention to Jack C. Jack C’s goal scoring run began 2 games ago against Ely and he was unfortunate not to score in this game but his impact, as always, was immeasurable. Sources say that Jack C was profoundly nervous towards the end of the game, fearing that it could turn away from the blues at any moment. This author hopes that Jack C will one day rediscover his faith in his team to maintain leads late in games, although the blues’ past performances do very much support his caution.

Lemon was awarded to an unremarkable individual who insanely enough decided to bring curling shoes to a hockey match. The twit couldn’t stay on his feet for more than five minutes in the game and even had juniors on the gunner’s squad making fun of his incompetence. Rumour has it captain Seb was so infuriated, he even offered to buy the moron a new pair of shoes if it meant he could finally run more than 10m without falling over. With Christmas fast approaching let’s hope this individual remembers to put new astros on their wish list.

This has been Riccardo N reporting for CSHC news.