Directive #2026-B: For the Attention of Ed Creed

Following the events of the Newmarket fixture, we have seen fit to issue a formal code of conduct regarding goal-scoring etiquette. Please review the following guidelines to ensure the safety of our own strikers' sanity.

1. The "Whose Ball is it Anyway?" Rule

While the concept of total hockey encourages players to support one another, this does not extend to performing a sliding tackle on a teammate who has already rounded the keeper in a 1-on-1. If your teammate is in the "D" and the goal is gaping, your primary role is celebration coordinator, not interception specialist.

2. Recognition of Weakness

Sensing weakness in a teammate is not a valid legal defence for larceny. If a striker is about to score, they are not weak; they are busy. Please allow them to finish their business before you attempt to assist.

3. The Empty Net Sanctity

An empty net is a sacred space. It is a sanctuary for the ball and the person currently in possession of it. If you accidentally tackle your own teammate, at least do them the courtesy of putting the ball in said empty net, instead of slinging it off the backline.

4. The Redemption Clause

Two no-look goals are excellent ways to apologise for tackling your own forward. However, the Redemption Multiplier dictates that for every teammate tackled, you must provide:

• One (1) assist to the victim in the same or subsequent game.
• One (1) round of drinks at teas.

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The drama began before the whistle was blown. Jim drew up his dream team match sheet, unfortunately forgetting to factor in several players were entirely unavailable. Once the actual squad was identified and the paperwork straightened out, the real action began.

South started strong, dominating possession with the midfield quartet of Jacko, Gando, Lamming, and Andy controlling the tempo. After one particularly good build-up, Ash broke free, masterfully rounded the keeper, and was poised to tap into an empty net, only for Ed Creed to fly in from behind. Sensing weakness in his own teammate, Ed tackled Ash, took the shot himself, and... put it wide. However, Ed redeemed himself to break the deadlock, and bamboozled the keeper with a cheeky no-look finish into the corner.

Newmarket responded with a tactical shift, setting a high press and launching searching aerials that bypassed the screen. Despite the best efforts of George Toynton and the defensive line of Harrison, Rob, and Tom, the visitors eventually found a gap and levelled the score.

Fortunately, Ed hit the target once more just before the break, finishing off a beautiful team move that swept from the midfield into the far-right corner to make it 2-1.

The half-time team talk focussed on fitness, discipline, and neutralising the aerial threat. However, as the pressure mounted, so did the intensity. Gando, putting in some energetic challenges, earned himself a green card.

While the physical battle continued, Ash provided much-needed breathing room with a clinical deflection to make it 3-1. But the disciplinary saga wasn't over - Gando’s ongoing disagreement with the officials led to a second card. Newmarket capitalised on the man advantage to pull one back, making it a nervy 3-2.

The closing stages were a masterclass in game management, showing real improvement from the Wisbech game (where South were also 3-1 up until very near the end). Harrison’s signature slider passes were on full display, cutting through the press. Alex moved up into a screen role and was instrumental in moving the ball forward, earning a well-deserved Man of the Match award. Ollie Weston also picked up MoM votes for his relentless pickpocketing, while Jacko excelled at drawing in the Newmarket midfield before breaking through.

There was one final scare when Gando returned from his timeout and won a short corner, only to immediately start a lively discussion with the umpire. The team successfully talked him down before the decision could be overturned, and South managed the game professionally until the final whistle.

Teas were a lively affair, marked by several players experiencing their first game of Fives. The celebrations were perhaps a bit too enthusiastic for the traditionalists, but the mood was positive. A gritty win that proves South can handle the pressure - even when it's coming from their own strikers. Thank you very much for a lovely game of hockey.