Cambridge South travelled to St Neots looking to get maximum points before a tough run of fixtures leading up to Christmas against fellow promotion hopefuls Wisbech, Rutland and Newmarket.

As usual, everyone was enjoying the pre match banter until it was cut short by Captain McCulloch halfway through a warm up lunge; apparently having fun makes you play badly and vice versa!

It turned out McCulloch was right, after a miserable warm up that nobody enjoyed, South started the match on fire, immediately dominating the play and sniffing around the St Neots D like a dog on heat.

The table topping South squad had welcomed new boys Machin and Broyd into the starting line up along with Williams, just back from a 7 week jolly. The players rewarded their teammates’ faith in different ways, Broyd and Machin with barn storming performances, Williams by getting a yellow card within 5 minutes.

Whilst Williams was off the pitch, uploading some more holiday snaps to Facebook, St Neots built some promising attacks and threatened to upset proceedings. Fortunately South’s back line held firm, with all 4 defenders making some important interceptions along the way.

After weathering the storm, South were able to settle into a good rhythm and started to play some attractive hockey. Despite a few changes to the team, South were gelling together well, making sensible supporting runs allowing easy passes to be made quickly.

One such passing move down the right resulted in a cross being fired across the area, McCulloch was on hand to deflect the ball brilliantly into the top corner. Unfortunately it was disallowed. Some assumed the ball had gone out of play before being crossed but the umpire confirmed later that the goal was just too damn sexy for Division 3NW and any more like it would be penalised for un-sportsmanlike showing off!

Undeterred, South reverted to plan B and went in search of a goal more suited to their current standard. After winning a succession of short corners, Johnson managed to break the deadlock with a fairly dull goal from a top D straight hit routine. After confirming that it was suitably uninteresting, the umpires blew their whistle and South were in the lead, one they never looked like relinquishing.

To their credit, St Neots responded with intent after going behind but South were in a purple patch and refused to release their grip on possession. More short corners followed, some were fluffed, some led to more short corners and the worst of the lot went in! Johnson took it upon himself to change the routine agreed upon during the huddle and a well stopped ball that should have been slipped to one side was greedily topped towards goal. Unfortunately, the keeper failed to account for the slow pace or the unnatural spin on the ball as it wobbled through the air into the back of the goal. Everyone who saw if felt embarrassed, except Johnson who ran back to the halfway line proudly reading out his current heart rate from his completely unnecessary new watch.

At halftime McCulloch reiterated that we weren’t here to have fun and that despite being in the lead we had the ability to throw the game away at any point. Meanwhile Johnson had managed to get his heart rate down to that of a dozing Crocodile.

The second half started with Machin leading the frontline with distinction, McCulloch ferreting around for loose balls and waves of wingers and midfielders getting in on attractive South attacks.

There were numerous moves that could have ended with South adding to their tally, the finest of which resulted in McCulloch hilariously being denied a goal for the second time. After a free flowing movement that deserved to be recorded, set to classical music and played on this website in slow motion forevermore, South found themselves with a prostrate goalkeeper and an open net. McCulloch twatted the ball into the top corner from an impossible angle, but again he was denied by the umpires. There was a rumour that Williams had been seen whacking the keeper with his stick before feeding McCulloch but once again, the umpire confirmed that goals that foxy are only permitted in Div 2 and above. Never mind Graham, Barton is well ahead in Goal Kings already so it wouldn’t have made much difference in the grand scheme of things!

South returned to trying to score crappy goals and presented Hawkes with a perfect opportunity to scuff the ball into an open goal from an inch out after a defensive cock up. However, Hawkes obviously thinks he’s a bit special and refused to score such an easy goal. Rather, he waited for a defender to stroll back and tackle him on the line - well done, Jon - you really are special!

Moments later, Williams showed that he is happy to score goals of any quality and put the game to bed with an ‘unmarked 2 yarder’ for which he would like to thank the St Neots defence for completely switching off at a free hit.

As the game (much like this report) dragged on, chances came and went; Broyd surged forward from right back and was involved in much of South’s good work whereas at left back, Dave Ashton was randomly screaming for no reason. Pearson and Claes used up the last ounces of juice running their markers ragged giving Wych and Gravelling plenty of time to chat about the joys of fatherhood and other exciting topics on the halfway line.

Eventually the umpires decided they had seen enough and blew for full time. Another 3 points for South and a reasonably good performance - well done chaps.

As a brilliant aside, AA Aston had to shoot off early for some imaginary social event and his car broke down on the way home, delaying him by over an hour, which just goes to show, there’s always time for a shower!