Having carted Chris Pearson 210 miles up to Lincolnshire and back, only to have him vote for me as Lemon of the Match, he's getting both barrels in this report…

So, Chris offered to write this match report and he sent it to me to check the grammar:

Idjdnudhenhduebe kdiheneodj enneuisneome oekenhdhe jeojelneniebbeikne wugsgenidhemodhqhs dompdjenudbeodhekehiehejidheb kidneueobenehyshskoenebdyus oddejjdnwyysbehdgyeieoem sidjenjsisomedhyehe isjemsjiejdhsjej jsiemsiiejdhejejheodkdmpfkri dksmeiudgchrkodnehudjfodjwndus idkendojrhdjdjdiem idkendojrhdjdjdiem

Mashing the key pad with farmer's fingers never makes for a legible report.

On the journey up north I suffered many agriculture-related comments from Chris, resorting to the radio having to be turned on to drown out the nonsense. In fact I pondered over one of these quotes whilst listening to Kiss FM (only really worth listening to between 11am-midday weekdays when 'Kisstory' is played). This annoyed me:

"I love seeing tractors…"
(A) "…on the road" or
(B) "…in the field, doing what it needs to do, out of everyone's way, not causing tail backs, especially at rush hour when there should be a law preventing them for being on the highway."

Most people surely would prefer Answer B. Not Chris!

So we arrived in plenty of time and Jim, who is hopefully soon to be the most successful captain in CSHC Men's 1s history, took us on one of his epic cross country warm ups, even though the pitch was free to use at the time and was pretty much a cross country surface in itself. We noticed Horncastle were taking it casually during the pre-match period, taking shots at the goal. That said, we were expecting a tough time against a team who weren't to be underestimated and who had beaten our closest rivals, Ely, the previous week.

The game got started and it was obvious it was going to be a close game, with both teams having some dangerous play near to the D. South were firing though and our movement and passing were creating some great chances. I wouldn't normally mention it but 'my mate Pearson' missed an open goal in the first few minutes. :)

To be honest, from back in defence I can't see what the hell is going on up the other end so Bhav texted me how the goals were scored. Cut and pasted below: notice how many times 'my mate Pearson' is mentioned! Yuck!

1. From a PC - Pearson hit to the right post; John Pawson was on the post

2. Pearson run & pass; Jamie hit the ball through the defender's & keeper's legs.

3. Chris Pearson run and pass to top of the D; Jamie lurking to finish

4. Pearson run and pass to Graham; Graham's diving finish

Horncastle got a goal after half time following a string of errors (I say a string of errors, it was mostly my fault). Our opponents always had the potential to cause an upset; however a good all round performance, as has been typical from our team this season, ensured another three points in the bag and a step closer to promotion and becoming the champions of the 3NW division for the first time in our history.

Next Saturday's game against the second placed team in the league, Ely 1s, must be one of the monumental fixtures in our history. Having lost 2-1 against them earlier in the season, we must be ready to turn it around in the return fixture, having the home advantage and with the contrasting recent forms of each team. Ely must win to keep their title hopes alive, whereas South need a draw to all but secure promotion or a win to be crowned as champions. It promises to be a classic and it would be great to get some support to help us over the finish line. Pushback is at midday.

Also:

• Congratulations to Mark and Steph Williams who had their first baby boy, Toby, a couple of weeks ago.

• Good man Dave Aston for deciding to stay at home with your wife, who is due to give birth soon. I'm glad you've got your priorities sorted! You still get Lemon of the Match though.

• Craig's commitment, travelling all the way from London to play.

• Thanks to Horncastle for your great match teas.

• Chris Pearson, you are a legend. My best bit of the game was seeing you hesitate before passing the ball across to Graham to score, presumably knowing that you were about to help him beat you to the Goal King title. The lack of celebration on your behalf was also obvious.

#MWON #COTS #ADL