Inevitably certain people were late. Some more predictably than others. Some more consistently than others. Spikey fell into both categories. He was, not only predictably late but also consistently later than everyone else, so much so that we forgot him. Well when I say ‘we’, what I actually mean is that Wizard, ever the organiser, forgot Spikey and gave the all clear to high-tail it to the Fenlands.

Desperate to ingratiate himself into the new Vice-Captain’s good books (and predicting the turn of the tide for next season already), our resident silky smooth gentleman, Bhav, offered to return to pick Spike up. Suddenly, we were thirty minutes late with Aston’s relentless dad jokes and pakora-based puns the sole source of entertainment. The many miles to Long Sutton metered out in front of us as we, for the second time that morning, returned to the northbound M11 and began the journey proper.

We arrived in an air of anticipation as the team talk began. Having missed the start, we listened as VC Chalky laid out his three point roadmap for success: possession, composure. It was time to start.

We opened brightly, Bailey and Scottish Tom (Scotch) controlling the middle of the park with some well-organised movement through the back four. Long Sutton seemed stretched and over-run in midfield and upfront, however they absorbed the continuing pressure being built by some fantastic play as Xabi combined with Chalky and Lewis to test their defence. Sutton forced us to wait until the thirty-fourth minute to see this pressure convert into a goal. A saved Scotch penalty corner fell to the feet of Xabi, who was equally denied by the keeper, only for Lewis to bat the ball into the net from one yard out.

The half-time team talk was rousing and South returned to the pitch with a renewed sense of purpose. Some nice slick play between Pearson, Scotch, Chalky and Xabi, challenged the Long Sutton defence and felt reminiscent of the ten-one victory secured here two seasons previous. An encouraging prospect for the season coming! Pearson scored our second, following the save of Spike’s drag-flick. As the game moved forward, so to did our defence, with Harrison the Elder found loitering in the opposition D; lost and scared he was ushered back to familiar pastures in front of the full-backs. At about the same time, a fluid piece of play culminated in Chalky one-on-one with the keeper. Showing true leadership, he did what all great Trump-ians would do; fluffed the chance and threw a spectacular hissy fit. Sometimes you just want it too much. However, the final nail in the coffin for Long Sutton was delivered by a neat Harry Lewis deflection of Bailey’s straight drive into the D. Three-nil - Let’s Make Div 2N Great Again!

The dad jokes continued on the way home, but sadly the pakoras had run out.