For the first time ever, I watched a film the other day that I hadn’t seen any trailer, review or spoiler for. It was surprisingly refreshing going into a film where the only knowledge I had was that the main character from the original Jurassic Park was in it and that it was set in New Zealand.

As a tribute to that spectacular film I have adapted the plot to centre around mixed-team captain, Tom Marchant. Bonus points if you can correctly guess the film.

Tom Marchant, a juvenile delinquent who was abandoned by Scotland, is taken by Cambridge South Hockey Club to live in a terrace house with carer James Bailey and his partner, the cantankerous moustache man Nik Patel. Nik is remote, but James quickly manages to break through Tom’s defensive shell by taking him to hockey and giving him a dog for his birthday, which he names Tupac after his idol Tupac Shakur.

When James suddenly walks out, and Nik tells Tom that Scotland will take him back, Tom ineptly fakes his disappearance by burning his bike and runs away to the Regal with Tupac, where he is completely unable to cope and gets lost. Nik finds him easily but breaks his ankle in a fall, forcing the two to camp for a period of time. The authorities meanwhile have found the house empty and the burnt bike and conclude that the bereaved and mentally unstable ‘Moustache Nik’ has abducted Tom. The impression is strengthened after an encounter with three foolish hockey players who get the idea that Nik is mistreating Tom. Nik reveals to Tom that he has served time in the Midlands for being born in Birmingham and is illiterate. Tom, in turn, says his only friend in Scotland has moved to Ireland and that his only options are risking the same fate in the Scottish system, or serving time in the Midlands. The pair agree to disappear into the Regal.

A local manhunt ensues, and the two slowly bond while working together to escape arrest. Upon finding another area to rest, they encounter an unconscious scholar. Tom leaves to find help and runs into a boy his age named Tom Blair. He takes him back to his house and introduces him to his housemates. Tom stays the night and returns the next morning to the Regal where Nik was supposed to be. Tom finds the place to be swarming with police, led by Colin T. Tom runs away. He later encounters Colin in the Regal, separated by a crowd of youths. Colin attempts to bribe Tom, asking him to say that Nik does not look good with a moustache. In return, he tells him that he won’t ever go to the Midlands. Tom declines and runs away. Tom catches up to Nik by remembering the survival strategies Nik taught him, and they continue their travels. After a traumatic encounter with a wild drunken undergrad during which Nik’s Green Bay Packers hat is damaged forcing Nik to throw it away. Tom reveals he has been carrying James’ jeans and originally planned to deliver them to, ‘Where the earth wets the cloak of the sky,’ as per his wishes. They scatter James’ jeans into a remote waterfall off Jesus Green. After five months of surviving in the Regal and several close calls, they are finally caught following a car and helicopter chase. Nik gets remanded and Tom is taken in by the Tom Blair household.

After Nik’s release from jail, Tom returns to the Regal with Nik to photograph the huia, an extinct bird they had re-discovered during their time on the run.