The detail of the game is fairly lost on me – which may in part be why I’m writing this report.

We scored first, possibly starting with robust defence from newly appointed captain James, who might have passed to left mid dynamo Ian, who no doubt slipped a tackle and fed industrious Nev, who rode violent stick tackles to present the ball to Rob to score with a trademark reverse stick.

Equally, it could have started on the other flank with man of the match contender, Grove Senior, trying to avoid accusations of nepotism so passing to Stu, who dribbled past 5 players, but then lost the ball, only for it to end up on the stick of man of the match contender, Grove junior, who jinked his way to the baseline and fed the hungry Bartonez’ reverse stick to score.

Just as likely, Will picked up the ball from a marauding attacker, laid it off delicately to the final man of the match contender, Ben, who was probably hacked at violently for being too skillful, before finding energetic Simon who drove to the corner, then tried to drive for the D, with the ball pinballing around before Goal King Barton swept it home, probably with a reverse stick shot.

It is possible it looked nothing like this, ...

[Ed: indeed, it might have been Nev's excellent cross from the right that was deflected front stick low under the keeper - seems the least plausible]

... but we did score first, and then evidently, they scored two unanswered goals. JJ and Dave shared honours for lemon, sadly not for off the pitch hilarity, but for on the pitch incompetence. Dave, trying his best to hit clean strikes along the ground, nearly picked up a green card for repeatedly aiming at the opposition midriff. The first St Ives goal came as a consequence of a free hit from one of these somewhat ineffective (and illegal) strikes. St Ives players passed nicely from the free hit, had about 5 shots on goal that Darren kept out, but the final save caused the ball to spin agonisingly away from his lunge, into the path of 4 St Ives attackers, one of whom finished it off.

JJ’s role in a lack central defence quality was multiple attempts to lob the ball, bypassing the midfield, giving us a chance to score on the break. Only one of these usually effective lobs cleared the half way line – it went straight out of play. The second came when JJ effectively passed to the centre forward then three quick first time passes took it past the keeper and into the lead. Sadly said centre forward played for St Ives.

Dave and JJ were also responsible for all 5 short corner shots, none of which troubled the scorers. Should they have received lemon? Is it reasonable to award lemon votes for incompetence? Could we have won the game if they played like they can? Should we be kicking men when they’re down? Probably seems the appropriate answer to all these questions.