Cambridge South 4 vs Bourne Deeping 4 

The weather is a bit naff and there's still the remnants of a cold, but I've got a bowl of cheerios and there's a bunch of milk bottles full of petrol in the fridge so we're all set for the away day. 

(The match starts. Some hockey happens for a bit. It's pretty good) 

The race for Lemon starts only a few minutes after pushback, with Ben Amos deciding he needs a break. Luckily the umpire spots how tired he's looking and gives him a few minutes on the sideline. 

(There's a goal) 

Matt Kern briefly throws his hat in the ring with another card as well before realising this is a race for idiots and promptly resumes normal service and does some hockey instead. 

(Half time, Matt Need congratulates everyone on being awesome at hockey but requests that everyone stop trying to win Lemon) 

Ben starts us off strong in the second half with a miss straight infront of goal, McCree counters with two backsticks in 5 minutes and gets a card. 

(Two more goals, new keeper Matt saves a p.flick and maintains a clean sheet in his South debut) 

McCree realises there's only a few minutes left in the game and he's still behind in the race  for Lemon and gives Bourne a present, passing straight to the center forward at the top of the D. Unfortunately nothing comes of it, so the only option is for him to earn himself a lemon-coloured card at the first possible opportunity. Surely this must seal it. 

The game ends. Ben's minor transgressions are forgotten in the face of McCree's mastery of the citrus. But the end of the match doesn't mean the end of the race... 

Ben abandons Jonny at the pitch in the rain along with half the away shirts... 

McCree drives to the wrong pub despite several minutes worth of everyone discussing which is the correct Blue Bell... 

Ben forgets everyone's names and asks for a refresher so he knows who to vote for. Gets an exciting text and ignores the name run around and remains clueless... 

Final result: too close to call. Or possibly just two equally deserving lemons. (Also the hockey ended 3-0 to South)