David Bridge: “I remember playing against Christ’s when at University.”

Andy Thomas: “But, David, I thought you were always on the side of Christ?”

The M6s might be experiencing a wretched set of results on the pitch but the quality of theological debate off the pitch at match tea is certainly rarefied. We picked ourselves up after another loss, this time 2-0 away at Kettering, but despite just lacking a touch of divine inspiration, we still performed with admirable determination and skill. However, perhaps the pick-me-up of some golden nectar to sup on the Movember night-out might fortify spirits and enable us to play with Olympian skills next week…

Who were the dramatis personae from this week’s ‘classic’:

Defence
Hades – Jo Dant ruled the Underworld of his own D with deathly calm. His heroics kept the grisly opposition shades at bay and earned him a well-deserved Man of the Match Award.
Poseidon – The bearded Garth Wells mirrored the sea god’s control of the oceans by repelling the relentless waves of opposition attacks which crashed all around him.

Hermes – The sprightly and lithe Ky Ho, fresh from his recent fitness routine, demonstrated his style and substance as he dashed up and down the right flank in his winged sandals.

Hephaestus – Tendayi Rwambiwa was our ‘smith, fashioning the greatest block of the match with a brilliantly timed tackle on their centre forward towards the end of the game.

Pan – James Piper had a brief ‘self-sub’ moment when he was caught aimlessly playing his pipes when he should have been taking a ‘sixteen’. From the subsequent foul given against him, he failed to retreat and was yellow carded for his indolence.

Midfield
Ares – Wilco Dijkstra wielded his stick in his right hand like the martial god of war, dispossessing opponents with surgical precision all over the theatre of war.

Achilles – not quite an Olympian, but which other Classical figure other than Achilles in the Iliad is more renowned for their ‘wrath’? A brief tantrum with his teammate was the only blemish for this midfield general.

Apollo – William Burscough was our lyricist, pulling the strings from a deep midfield position and adding brightness to all of our attacking forays.

Aeolus –Alex the winds were at his command as they rushed through his flowing locks. He distributed the wall sleekly, and ran hard to make vital interceptions.

Attack
Kronos – Our great and ageless centre forward, John Greaves, forever defying time, looked a constant threat with the ball at his feet; sadly we couldn’t feed it to him enough!

Zephyrus – Kieran Birch was as fleet of foot as the god of the west wind, scorching up the right flank, tirelessly linking defence, midfield and attack and unlucky to score with our best chance of the game.

Chaos – James Yu was his disruptive best in the midst of the action, merrily breaking up anything of promise from our opponents.

Dionysus – All the talk before the games centred on the moustache that would adorn Andy Thomas’ top lip at the evening’s Movember drinking celebrations. We’ll see how our own god of revelry would fare on this club night out.

But what, one might ask, of David Bridge? Well, amongst so many pagans in this polytheistic world, surely he must be the one and only God, full of grace in all his play, and truly timeless, omnipresent and omniscient!

Which just leaves Nike, perhaps we can reach out to the beautiful goddess of victory after our local derby against Nomads next weekend…