In this game Rob Barton scored 500 goals, as attested to by the club website https://cambridgesouthhockeyclub.co.uk/members/19/playing-record .

I have to admit I didn't see most of them, which I account to not paying enough attention. It was just a blur. I did see a lovely textbook penalty stroke past the keeper that I understand to have been number 500, marked by a susurration among the players as the momentousness of the event spread across the field.

A second goal from a solid strike made it clear 500 is no barrier. It isn't clear what the next major milestone is. According to wikipedia's optimistically-titled "list of numbers" the next interesting number is 600, but that seems boring somehow.

More importantly the event was celebrated with Celebrations (I just got it!), and at the end of the game a trophy bestowed upon Rob by the collective M6s. Congratulations Rob, 500 is genuinely remarkable, especially contrasted against the next-highest seeming to be a mere 208. And it doesn't even count goals from before the online record begins!

What about the game itself? Obviously with 500 goals involved South had the better showing, but it wasn't an entirely one-sided game. Wisbech's relatively young team proved quite snappy, regularly taking good advantage of gaps in our defense, but were in every case rebuffed by Miles in goal even if nobody else.

The final scoresheet says 5 0, which seems to be missing a notable zero but hey ho. In fact Rob wasn't the only scorer: Paul, James P and Jordan all also found the net. Overall it was more a matter of when than if, with plenty of enthusiastic play around the D.

Rob got MoM for obvious reasons, but with other significant votes for Alex for generally strong play running rings around the opponents. Rob also got Lemon, for blocking Alex's own goal attempt right in front of the goal line. Eyewitnesses did not specifically deny that he was shouting "there can only be one!" at the time.

After the match an elated Rob said: "Before today I'd never dreamt of knocking in a centsexagintaseptuple hat-trick. It's a milestone to forever be proud and one only achievable thanks to the wonderful folks at Cambridge South".