Against the Odds!!

It was a quiet Saturday morning with a 2-degree chill in the air. After some 5-star hockey was on display from the Cambridge South youth players, a group of tired, scruffy and balding men waddled their way onto the pitch with what seemed to be some left over Christmas turkey hanging out of their bellies. This band of unlikely heroes were to face a menacing collective of overachievers from the university of Cambridge. Betting odds had the game at 500/1 against the pensioners.

Erroneous reporting states that the game began at 10:30 however this should be taken as the fakest of fake news. The game officially began 15 minutes later with the introduction of superstar front man Dave Shanahan, a relatively new transfer from the distant land of Dublin.

The pensioners put together and strong performance. Goalkeeper Joe L as a brick wall in goal, the defence was impenetrable, the midfield was all over the pitch and the front line was wreaking havoc for the opposition defence. The first notable moment of the match came when Joe W, received an inch perfect through ball putting him 1 on 1 with the keeper. He glided round the goalie with easy and sent a missile towards goal only for it to hit an opposition foot. The decision didn’t go his way, and the pensioners were forced to settle for a short corner.

A couple more minutes of intense work in the trenches was rewarded when physical midfielder Ali H, sent a beautiful arial ball towards a new forward who shall not be named but recently joined the pensioners on a free transfer. This bumbling fool missed the arial but fortunately the pass made its way to a goal hungry Joe W. He unselfishly slid the ball over to the flying Irishman, Dave S, who for a moment seemed to stop time completely. The ball bobbled up in front of him and with a ferocious swing on his backhand side, hammered the ball into the bottom corner. 1-0 South!! 

Feeling rejuvenated by this incredible strike, the pensioners initiated a barrage of pressure on the overachievers holding the game to 1-0 for another 10 minutes or so. Haff time came and coach of the year nominee, Sam H, gave some words of wisdom to the squad. What was truly a well thought out and highly motivating team talk can be boiled down to “KEEP THE PRESSURE ON LADS!!”.

The second half began and more of the same from the pensioners. They had the overachievers on their knees begging for mercy for a 5-minute stretch. Full time was blown and the game officially ended 1-0 pensioners. A fantastic performance from the heavily unfavoured side.

All members of the squad put in impressive performances with special mentions going to Gabe W for being unstoppable in midfield. It’s only a matter of time before this rising star receives a well-deserved call up to the 2s. Another special mention to Joe W for being the most efficient hockey player in the history of the sport of hockey by tactically saving his energy standing next to the opposition goal before bursting into action for hugely impactful moments in the game. And finally, a mention to Ali H who never ceases to bring a physical presence to the game regardless of who his opponent is. We at the CSHC reporting agency believe that this generation of young men is too soft and applaud Ali for a superb game.

However, all of these incredible performances were dwarfed when held up next to the shift put in by the flying Irishman, Dave S. His wonder goal completely changed the momentum of the game. Sources say that captain Danny M sprouted a couple of hairs on his head after seeing the Irishman’s goal. A well-deserved man of the match award.

This week’s lemon award was split between star wing back Alex P, and half injured bench warmer Shin K. Sources are currently unclear why Mr Pashley was awarded the lemon this week. As for Shin, his award was due to him being unwilling to suit up and fight side by side in the trenches this week. Needless to say, we hope for better in the future from both of these two.

Lastly, it must be stressed that there is a lot of fake news circling the drain and it is likely you will have heard lies such as, “Uni 3s scored in the first 10 minutes of the game”, “what about the other 25 minutes of the second half in which they scored 5 more”, and “I heard the game ended 1-6”. This news agency is the only reputable reporting agency in the Long Road vicinity, and you are therefore all advised to ignore this additional misinformation.

This has been Riccardo N reporting for CSHC news.