Fun fact: Somewhere between 8000 and 5000 BC the Incas of Peru were first to cultivate the potato.  Fast forward to 1536 and the Spanish conquistadors conquered Peru, discovered the flavours of potato and brought them back to Europe.  There are around 80 varieties of potatoes grown commercially in the UK, though more varieties (up to 450) are occasionally grown and there are thousands worldwide. Around 15 types are commonly available in supermarkets.

As for the game, the first whistle saw South, having removed the jackets, settle quickly into the frying pan.  Within two minutes we’d come to the boil and Rob netted the first via a sweet potato reverse sweep.  Seconds followed quickly with a hard straight mash from our first PC, slipping fortuitously under the keeper’s boot like the proverbial hot potato.  Creed junior, the new potato of the team, looked to make the game safe after 15 minutes having peeled away from his opponent to wedge the ball sumptuously in off the side board.  I'm lovin' it.

Half time talk was about keeping things simmering, composure carving out chances, maintaining the width and not letting complacency set in.  We expected Peterborough to Hasselback and did not want to fritter away the lead.

In the second half Peterborough started strongly and showed their Dauphinoise class putting us on the back foot for the first 15 minutes.  It was feeling like the lazy Susan was turning and we were in for more of a roasting.  At the back, the team were very grateful for Nuwan’s multiple off-the-line clearances, one potato, two potato, three potato, four.  All of which must have been very gratin' for the opposition forwards.  Between the posts Dan was no sack of spuds and constantly on his toes.  Tackles at the back were stronger than a campfire stick poking the foiled spud.  Today was not the day for leek and potato soup.

Captain Birdseye Sandy was not afraid to break eggs (no wait wrong analogy) and solidifying changes at the back kept skin in the game.  Stability resumed, attacks at the other end continued and Rob bagged two more, very much team goals, the first ghosting in to poke home after a melee and great work from Jordan.  The final finish, the pick of the crop, a perfectly weighted through ball from Peter made it easy to pick the ball, hash brown to the left before an immediate crisp flick past the wrong-footed keeper.

There was just time for Craig to graciously slip the ball to up-front-why-not James to score, only he chipped it agonisingly over the crossbar.  Sometimes it’s just gnocci day.

All that is left to say now is which potato variety would the players (in alphabetical order) be and why…

Craig H – Smash (the instant potato mash from the ‘80s) – real potato pieces that ripple with vitamins.  He can really smash the ball.  For mash get smash.
Dan T – Purple majesty – full of antioxidants to smother attacks.  Probably a future Lord in the making.  Cut him and his blood runs purple now. 
Huw T – Remarka – yes this is a potato.  Remarkably calm at the back.  Remarkably hard to beat.  Frankly just remarkable he's allowed out at all right now.
James H – Sweet potato – rich in potassium, magnesium and iron, which any doctor will tell you is important.  Improves the team’s circulation.
James M – Maris Piper – a popular variety sought by many (team captains).  Simply fits in and considered highly versatile.  Sounds Scottish but I’m not sure is.
Jan B – Yocon Gold – smooth, buttery and creamy.  Slightly speckled but an all-purpose potato which holds the shape well.  Glows a yellowish tint.
Jordan W – All potato crisps – full of flavour and tricks.  Has a range of skills, always speedy and fresh, and can hit really crisply.  
Laurie H – Duke of York – he used to be grand.  Still hits the headlines I’m sure.  Pretty much royalty is our Laurie. 
Nuwan C – Molody potato – a new kid on the block but becoming a rapid favourite.  Also reliable and versatile.  Will soon grow and be in high demand.
Peter C – New potato – new to the team at least.  The season is now though.  Can we play you every week?
Peter F – Red – thick skinned and always stays tough regardless of the level of heat.  Stands out in the midfield crowd as well.
Rob B – Gunda – early maturity, slightly oval shape.  It is high-yielding.  Also has good storage qualities, which is useful for transporting kit and keeper bags.
Sandy T – King Edward – the big boss of the veggie aisle.  Surveys his landscape from on high.  Almost went for the Fingerling variety as he’s temporarily got 11.
Stuart C – Salad potato – eats healthily, and dances all game long.  Full of energy.  Probably allergic to real potatoes.

Potatoes not your thing?  Check out this week's M6s match report: https://cambridgesouthhockeyclub.co.uk/matches/6726