Hoping to extend their huge winning streak, the South men, here on referred to as the “Yellowhammers”, were in high spirits Saturday morning. This however would be short lived as they had a horrible task ahead of them. They would have to drive all the way to King’s Lynn!! As well as this nightmare endeavour, they would also have to face off against the number one team in the league. Although, based on their previous rampage against the formally number three ranked green goblins, the yellowhammers felt no fear when faced up against these top spot seat warmers from King’s Lynn, here on referred to as the “Pelicans”. Editor’s note: how does he come up with such creative names?

With the long journey behind them it seemed that fate itself was on the side of the yellowhammers. They had been blessed with a long warmup and some beautiful sunshine. With the stars seemingly aligned, the yellowhammers took to the field ready to put another high ranked team in their place. Unfortunately, things did not start quite as they did against the green goblins. It turned out the Pelicans were top ranked for a reason… they were quite good at hockey. However, this was no new experience for the yellowhammers as previous encounters against the “young guns” from Cambridge Uni and the some “blokes” from Cambridge City had seen similar starts to the game. 

Within an early period of sustained pressure from the pelicans came an unforgettable short corner. Their short corner specialist stepped up and effortlessly executed a majestic drag flick that seemed destined for the top corner. However, with fate being on the side of the yellowhammers, the goal inexplicably expanded, and the shot loudly ricocheted of the underside of the crossbar. The yellowhammers’ beaks dropped to the floor as they witnessed this moment of pure magic and great fortune. Early betting odds had the games’ MoM award going to the goal frame at 100:1.

Once the first 10 minutes of shakiness had worn off, the mighty yellowhammers began to spread their wings. Counterattack after counterattack kept the pelicans honest in a hard-fought battle in the trenches. A short corner win by the yellowhammers saw midfield maestro Chris C fire an arrow towards the bottom corner. Early celebrations squawked from the yellowhammers bench as they thought the shot had found the backboard. Alas, a pesky Pelican pinched the shot off the line, momentarily crushing the dreams of the men in yellow. With the pelicans realising that fate was not on their side, they angrily ramped up the pressure and their efforts were rewarded with a late first half goal. The half ended with the yellowhammers a goal down, but very much in the fight.

The second half began, and the yellowhammers began to take the fight to the pelicans, bringing in some sustained pressure of their own. Their efforts were too rewarded when tap-in merchant Jamie C deflected a stunning Dave S slap into the bottom corner. With the momentum shifting in their favour and fate seemingly still on their side, the yellowhammers continued to fly up and down the pitch refusing to show any signs of weakness. As 60 minutes passed, captain Seb signalled to the hammers that they’d done it. They had managed to successfully draw a point out of the top ranked team. It just so happens however that hockey matches are 70 minutes long. Once again, more confusion from the team’s timekeepers (flash backs to the young guns game) allowed the opposition to pounce, with the pelicans deviously sneaking past 2 more goals at the death of the match. The game officially ended with a respectable 3-1 loss and captain Seb violently smashing his watch on the ground. Needless to say, with Christmas fast approaching, it doesn’t take a genius to decipher what captain Seb will have at the top of his wish list. 

The teams’ man of the match award went to Mr Andy Moore for his outstanding performance in goal. Asked to step in for the ever so reliable Ben L, as well as being asked to endure the horrors of a marathon journey to King’s Lynn, Mr Moore volunteered without hesitation and rose to the occasion fantastically. Without his heroics in goal, the scoreline likely wouldn’t have looked so respectable, leading captain Seb to likely break a little more than his consistently unreliable time piece. Other special mentions go to Danny M for a fantastic performance at wing back. His precision tackling and never-ending work rate kept the yellowhammers’ sprits high throughout the game. Having said that, his brief stint in the forward line during those regrettable final 10 minutes almost earned him a lemon award. They say don’t judge a book by its cover; well this author implores you not to judge Danny M by his forward line antics. 

Jamie C must also be mentioned for finally getting off the start line with his goal tally. It was superb to see this immensely talented forward finally use his incredible 10-foot wingspan to reach out and score a goal. It’s just a shame that his highly intellectual mind could not comprehend the difference between 60 and 70 minutes. Apparently amidst all that a student is taught at the prestigious Uni of Cam, reading the time is not part of the curriculum.

As for lemon, some ignorant fool decided to use the journey over to King’s Lynn and the lengthy pre-match warmup as his own personal therapy session, crying out some nonsense about nightmare housemates and a horrible Friday night surprise. Fortunately, the rest of the squad saw right through this charade. It was clearly a large collection of excuses for his poor performance and lack of focus, masquerading as a plea for sympathy. We at CSHC news would like to firmly remind this soon to be M4s representative that the hockey pitch is no place for unloading household issues and that he should keep all his personal baggage AT HOME!!!

As always, I’d like to remind all readers that this news agency is the only reputable reporting outlet in the long road vicinity.

This has been Riccardo N reporting for CSHC news.