Has someone you know had a fall?

If so, the NHS advise that you ensure the area is safe. Check the person is responsive. And do not move them if injured.

These are the 3 largely agreed-upon responses in the event of a fall. Unless you’re at Long Road hockey pitch, and the fallen’s name is James Menzies, whereby the appropriate reaction is laughter. The longer and louder the better.

We arrived at Long Road, personally speaking ill, knowing that Wisbech, 2^nd in the table, would present a stern challenge. They were promoted with us into Div 2 the last time we came up, and we expected a hard-fought game and an aerial bombardment. Personally speaking I was eager not to sneeze myself inside out.

And so it came to pass. I think, I’d forced so much First Defence up my nostrils that I’d displaced memories from my brain like recent hockey matches and the birth of my children. However, watching back the Veo footage, we started with good intensity, buoyed by a strong back line and the introduction of some good new relative youngsters, Ed and Will.

We scored first thanks to a slick short corner routine where the ball came to me at the top of the circle, and in lieu of any better options I shovelled it on to Will who finished adroitly. 1-0 shortly became 2-0 as Jamie Coltman rifled home unerringly from a distance from 1.3 yards, his speciality.

The fall, when watched back over Veo, actually has a certain graceful quality to it, I thought I could hear gasps even from nearby spectators, similar to when an F1 car, or something equally expensive and ergonomic crashes into some barriers. But nevertheless Menzies bravely dusted himself off and got on with the game. A bright yellow air ambulance on standby, hovered in the background.

The second half continued in much the same vein as the first. Good patient build-up, a solid press, followed by incisive finishing, this time Josh R squaring the ball for Jack to finish past a livid keeper. 3-0 to South, those watching from the sidelines were well within their rights to wonder when the southern wheels would eventually come off. Well, let me answer that, exactly a minute and a half after we scored, Wisbech snuck a finish past Keeper Ben. And then momentum did start to shift, some dribbling into flat sticks and basic misdemeanours meant that the South juggernaut had started to wobble.

Here are some other bits I’ve remembered from a Lemsip-induced fug: Ed put in a lovely through ball to Josh who elected to put it straight into the keeper’s pads. Who can blame him, certainly not me. There was a delightful flowing move at 54 mins in which would induce a low groan of pleasure from any watching hockey coach. Will finished off another sharp South attack on the second attempt, and barring a second Wisbech goal, that was pretty much all she wrote. 4-2 Showers, teas, and then personally speaking, off to find a teenaged child in my care who had got lost whilst I was off playing hockey. A classic Saturday.