Dave Monck: “Guys, remember that we are all trying. We do make mistakes – that’s why we are in the 5ths, not the 1sts!”

A rare moment of self-deprecating honesty in a half-time team talk, but it clearly did the trick! The whole squad proved their worth as jewels in the crown for South – determined to ensure another season in this league.

And let’s hear more about these Cambridge crown jewels…

Defence
King’s College Chapel – Jo Dant was aesthetic, immovable and timeless amidst the occasional defensive flap of his teammates. Enjoyed lovely views of the Backs.
Round Church – Dave ‘Monk’ Monck’s final home game for South before his ordination and move to Leeds. Reassuringly solid and unforgiving with a simple game plan – the Norman architects of the Church of the Holy Sepulchre would have approved.
Mathematical Bridge – James Piper can’t be described as ‘hard as nails’ as there aren’t any in this famous construction. Occasionally rather static but relied on meticulous calculation to keep the opposition away from goal.
Parker’s Piece – Roaming up and down the left flank, enjoying the freedom of Cambridge’s most famous green space. Did you know that the lamp-post at the centre is known as Reality Checkpoint – something James Hartley manages with charm when he collects our match fees whilst we recover from our exertions…
The University – Magnificent, scholarly, prestigious, ‘old’… and we are equally proud of our university too, Jan Brynjolffssen…
Lola Lo – Alec Alston showed off his dancing feet when moved into midfield – shimmying past opponents as if fuelled by alcopops…

Midfield
Kettle’s Yard – Innovative, assured, timeless and almost avant-garde with his deft touches, slaps and drag flicks. Sev Warren is an artist at work…
Botanic Garden – Roland Li, in his final game for the club, surely covered the same 40 acres of ground during another match-winning performance for the club. As we played, bathed in Spring sunshine, he nourished the green shoots in our attacking play.
The Eagle – Crick and Watson would have admired Phil Marriott’s DNA after this energetic performance. Now time for a well-deserved medicinal pint in the RAF bar…
Chronophage – Just like the Corpus Christi clock, Stu Creed, our rippling 24-carat gold legend, enjoyed eating up time in the right-wing corner in the dying minutes of the game.
Fitzwilliam Museum – Man of the Match, Ahmad Hassan, must be our one and only Fitzwilliam Museum. A thoroughbred in midfield but a sight to behold in defence with the grand artistry of his tackling.

Attack
Market Square – Streetwise, Nev Warren is our ‘market man’ who loves to trade (up) whenever near the opposition defensive stall. We love his eclectic mix of close stick skills, slaps, hits and strikes on goal. 
River Cam – Jordan Walker enjoyed running through the heart of the opposition, providing incredible views for the official Spalding photographer. Did I mishear their angry centre back mention his ‘punt’…?
Museum of Archaeology & Anthropology – Full of ancient fossils – need I say more?! After his finely taken winning goal in his 500th match for South, perhaps Rob Barton should be found resting his weary legs in Grantchester at the Orchard Tea Gardens?

Special [? - Ed]
Bridge of Sighs – Lemon of the Match, Jay Jay, was not even playing! This covered walkway at St John’s provides a subtle reference to the unsubtle attempt at influence exerted on the home umpire by some loud ululations from the sideline. Perhaps the Abbey Stadium might have been more relevant!