Teams

Man of the Match Dave Monck - The game turned when he became more ‘Man’ than ‘Bat’ and switched sides. Fancy Dress seems to bring out the best in this old war-horse.

Lemon of the Match Tom Rosselli - There was significant mention of 118’s ‘tackle’ but Rossellini hoovered up the most votes by being: a) short of a real costume; and b) absent from The Panton. We enjoyed sharing the chocolates that were to be his booby-prize though. Thanks, Tom!

(More photos available on the Cambridge South Facebook Group album)

This is a New Year. A time of renewal; looking back, of course, and learning lessons, but always moving forward. Neil saw fit to welcome 2016 with a pair of shorts that even Miley Cyrus would have left on the hanger, keeping everyone else waiting patiently to start the game whilst he was in the changing rooms ‘tucking in’.

Before that unhappy episode, the rest of us did at least have chance to share a festive catch-up and a restorative glass of bubbles. Different approaches were taken to the idea of a fancy-dress, dynamic warm-up…

During that time, the selection of two evenly-matched sides was settled on and so it was that Team Human faced off against Team Animal(/inHuman).

It was the latter that made the early running, helped by the early loss of Cricketer Man to a recurring knee complaint. Luckily, he could call on Yorkshire’s finest, Sir Geoff Boycott, to help out and he shored up the Human defence with his trusty stick of rhubarb and his Nan’s judgement outside off-stump.

Recognising that something drastic was required, the birthday Wizard waved his magic wand (Editor’s Note: Later identified by the bearer as a staff) and conjured up some dastardly spell to spirit away the remainder of Sir Geoff’s colleagues. Team Animal took full advantage and soon raced into a handsome lead. The Giraffe had joined the Club in 2015 as a left or right back, but he’s a credible right-winger and he had a field day, in cahoots with a particularly uncharitable Pudsey Bear. You could tell that The Onesies were getting serious when they all thrust back their hoods to get a better view. The Zebra got in on the act too – he had more runs than Pearson with dysentery.

Spurred into action, Kevin, Stuart and the other Minions looked for a master to serve. They found a suitable leader in the swashbuckling Pirate and whilst they were all involved, things looked good for the Humans. Their approach work invariably led to the Elf or the Monk trying to thwack their way through a particularly shiny Loopy. She shed plenty of tinsel, but despite the best efforts of both Christmas Spirit and the Holy Spirit, the net remained un-bulging. (Speaking of which, Batman may be a caped-crusader, but I don’t remember even Adam West ever wearing soggy grey Y-fronts on the outside of his trousers.)

Loopy’s tinsel had in fact made so much of a mess in the D that she decided to stay in it for the second half, even though the teams had changed ends. The Team Animal charge continued, however, and they were clearly finding things too easy when 118 man (other premium-rate information numbers are available) tackled the Dinosaur (his own team-mate).

Batman, stung by a sense of fair-play, decided to change sides, although not before embarrassing Disco Stu with a devastating turn of pace, hidden for years in waiting for just that moment. With the Dark Knight now in their ranks, Team Human upped the ante. Christmas Fairlie saw increasing action down the right flank, the Cowboy was a rootin’ and a’tootin’ along in central midfield and the Elf (clearly harbouring repressed attention issues after a Christmas period ‘All About Santa’) charged around like a man who’d had a touch too much popping candy. A vision in neon went close at the left post before the pressure finally told; Monsieur Barton manufacturing the first dodgy reverse stick goal of 2016. Obtenir de votre côté fort!

As is becoming traditional, a ‘next goal wins!’ scenario played out over the closing minutes. For one ghoulish moment, it appeared that the Spider might break clear, but she became entangled in a noisy web of her own making and the chance passed. In an incongruous game played by incongruous hockey players, the most incongruous of winners eventually arrived as (umpire) Kev bashed home to seal an unlikely victory for Team Human!

The final seconds were witnessed by Club stalwart, Jack Chalk. As he has now been mentioned in the match report, he owes £4.